Take Off Your Prose!

Welcome to the Temple of the Profane.

I know, right? Whodathunk I’d ever encourage end rhyme? If it’s offensive, I’m okay with it. Grab a pint of Guinness or Jameson’s and don’t tell me “dirty limerick” is redundant. I’m well aware that if it isn’t dirty, it’s not a true limerick. But some people try to ruin a good time with some puritan Pollyanna bullshit every chance they get. I’ve read some clean limericks, and there’s something about them that’s more wrong than an olive in a Bloody Mary or a stalk of celery in a fucking martini. If I can figure out how, I’ll fine anyone who tries to sneak a clean limerick in here, and I’ll press criminal charges if sentimentality enters the equation. It has no place outside of Hallmark cards and movies, and we’re not dumbing down this room.

Obviously, after St. Patrick’s day, this is closed. Nobody likes a still-drunk Irishman on March 21st.

More obviously: limericks only.

Most obviously: if it isn’t dirty, don’t bring it here.

Please include a link to my challenge in your limerick (preferably not interrupting the text of your poem with my link; subtitle is a logical place), and drop your entries in the comments.

I’ll get this party started.

Keeping the granny theme going in this one:

Don’t bring any sunshine in here unless it exposes something dirty.

Wow, all of these submissions with no prizes offered. I’ve already shown off some of my favorite rocks. Hmm, I’ll tell the winners my other pen name, and everyone gets to see my new favorite rock. Who knows, additional prizes may become available, maybe a free tarot reading, your choice of my decks, and if something is truly spectacular, I’ll practice some witchcraft for you—one spell, absolutely no black magic. I rarely even get to be black on the chessboard..