On Seeking Intention.

Since long before the birth of ViM, Judey has been a writer on Vocal (and beyond) that we have all admired. Not only are her words authentic and true. AKA No bullshit alley, Judey is a tremendous advocate for integrity in the community - she is always fighing to ensure that Vocal stands up and tells the bots to stand down. See the invaluable guide:

Her work on behalf of all of us is truly admirable. We are HUGE..HUGE Judey fans (massive) as I am sure you can tell, so to have her...like...HER agree to add her voice to our funny little endevour feels like a milestone. A moment if you will:

A feature article by the wonderful Judey Kalchik:

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I find it interesting that, when invited to write about whatever I’d like for ViM Productions, that I suddenly become finger-tied.

There are SO MANY options!

Do I write about books? I LOVE books, and bookselling, and booksellers, and bookstores, and and and… So that’s a ‘no’, then. Looks like that’ll take more than one article.

Do I write about business? Sales, communications, coaching, and operations? I have a LOT to say about that, even though I’ve already written a lot about it. So, again, no.

Do I write about writing? Writing is more than fun, more than hard, more than essential. Writing is breath, and tears, and sleepless nights, screaming into the world in a mighty whisper, and aching for the response. So- no; I think not. (Although here’s a poem made out of that, because I could. Because I am a procrastinator.)

So I will write about something I’m learning about myself, and attempt to link it to writing and writers, communicating and communicators: to life.

Expect Positive Intention

As someone that writes and posts publicly, I present my words without knowing if they will be read and without knowing what might be said about them. That is true about any writer on Vocal., Medium, or any social media or blog entry. That knowledge alone can and has stopped others from taking the step to hit ‘Submit’ or ‘Publish’. (It also has tempted more than a few to post things that perhaps should have stayed hidden… but I digress.)

Although I have over 300 pieces of content (aka ‘stories’) live on Vocal, I still hold my breath for a moment after I submit my writing.

Will people read it? Will they understand? I hope they like it. I hope it reaches someone and resonates with them. I wonder what I should change? What should I have done instead? Is it too late to edit it?

Does that seem familiar to you, too?

Then comes the moment a notification tells me someone has responded to it. And I click the notification to see “Good job! Follow me for more comments!” or maybe “Nice” or even “not your best” or maybe “Good”.

Is it better when I glance at the screen and see a few lines with the sidecar passenger of ‘Read More’? Maybe, but not always. Sometimes the rants can go on for paragraphs of vitriol and grievances, leaving me puzzled if we’d both read the same thing.

My first reaction is the writer’s equivalent to “I shaved my legs for this?!” (IYKYN) Then I commence the obsession. The muttering. The clicking away then coming back to see if it has changed. All the while the same thought just runs round and round:

WHAT THE HECK DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?

I tell you all of that to tell you this: the issue isn’t the comments. The issue is me. (It’s me. Hi. I’m the problem, it’s me.)

As an adult that was once the firstborn daughter in a dysfunctional family, it is ingrained in me to scan the surrounding area for minefields and danger. I mean that both figuratively and literally. Being cautious and recognizing anger and irritation was a survival skill for many years. Expecting positive intent is a learned viewpoint that has not always been my first go-to.

That said, I have found that there are steps I can take in reviewing comments of my writing (and comments to my comments, and blog posts, and social media meanderings, and at work) that have been very valuable in building/maintaining relationships and communicating more effectively. These all help me to expect positive intent and get out of my own way.

(Note: If you search for this online, look for ‘assume positive intent’. Me? My dad always taught me not to assume because.. Well you likely have heard it? It makes an ‘ass out of u and me’. That guy…)

The Steps I Take

Admit I am unhappy/upset/angry/scared/threatened/confused/puzzled by the statement I read. Pretending doesn’t help anything, and da’Nile is just a river. I need to be honest with myself, first.

Read it again, then read what I wrote again, too. Try to see it through their eyes. What did they see in my work that I didn’t? What did they mean by what they said? I am checking for misunderstandings and suspending my response.

Decide how much this matters to me. Is there a there, there? Is it AI? Is it a bot? Is it someone that is shy? Is it someone seeking Leaderboard status? Is it out of character for them? I’m weighing my initial response, the cause, and what I’ll do next.

Decide what comes next and why. Do I comment {a polite ‘thank you’ is fine}, ignore {I don’t need to engage with everything!}, ask a question {and must be prepared for whatever the answer might be}?

If I ask a question it should be with the intent to Listen, Learn, Let Go. I need to read the answer, should one be given, and thank the writer for that response.

Judey for ViM 2/2024

Internalizing these steps has made my time on Vocal much more enjoyable (still get pissed with the AI and bots, though) and has allowed me to try new things and take creative risks where once I would have hesitated.

Like the admins and creators of ViM; who took a step to make the change and support that they wanted to see- how much better we all are when we take those exhilarating risks and find that we can fly after all.

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Note: Queer Vocal Voices is only accepting members of the LGBTQ+ community at the moment, we will open up to allies in time!

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