I'm Dreaming of a Vocal 2024.

Hmmmm...so many plans...so many resolutions...which to choose?

Maybe I'll just write about my number one goal!

Here, on Vocal, I plan to be just that- more vocal! I’ve always used my words typed or on paper to express all the jumbled up shenanigans going on in my head. It’s one of the ways i'm able to make life make sense to me…a sort of therapy in and of itself. I have plans to document my journey as a first-time mother-to-be, navigating her mid-20s and learning what kind of love to give and what kind to participate in. The idea seems relatable enough as there are millions if not billions in the same place as me. I used to want my whole life to be centered around fiction to the point where it became hard to exist in real time as a real person. Now, I think it's time that I step away from the Fae and imaginary men of my dreams and fall in love with being alive again..to fall in love with my own story again. And to top it off, what better place to do that than Vocal+?!

If I were to win this challenge, I would be able to reapply for another year of Vocal+ and continue writing on a platform that's actually meant for writers (no shade to Facebook and Instagram). I look forward to writing about my adventures...and misadventures that have transpired over the last couple of years. I moved away from and back to my parent's house twice, found out about my current and first pregnancy. I also entered my first relationship ever even though I'm in my mid-twenties which isn’t unheard of thankfully, but i’m aware it’s not the norm. I've also been attempting to heal and navigate life after leaving a cult I wasn't aware was a cult partially due to brainwashing and deep, deep trauma bonding. All of this has made my life a very interesting story, and I look forward to sharing it.

I hope to have an impact on others so that they will be able to read my stories and feel seen and heard as well. There was a lot I wasn’t sure was actually normal and didn’t mean I was failing at adulting like I thought I was. I postponed ‘adulthood’ for as long as I could in fear of not being capable but also just plain old not having the desire to be an adult yet. I still enjoyed fruit roll-ups and cartoons and drinking juice because water is gross to me, still. Admitting those things around other adults aloud made me feel awkward for some reason. Simple things are still true for me such as I LOVE wine and deep conversations, but I also love building forts still, and putting on the Backyardigans and other low-stimulating children’s shows like Little Bear as I reminisce about the innocence of my childhood. I feel that by doing those things, it’s my way of creating a place for me to feel safe away from the pressures of the world. But also trying to understand where did this concept of ‘adulthood’ come from? Why does it involve alcohol and clubbing if I don’t want it to? The truth is, it doesn’t have to. I’m allowed to make adulting whatever I want it to be so long as it’s healthy for ME and not harming others. Anyways, I said all of that to say I hope those who struggled as I did will have a place to read and feel related to even though our stories are all uniquely different. That’s just a glimpse into my big plan. I have to go now. My ramen is ready.