I Don’t Care Anymore

Where do I begin? I have a lot to say. I know I've written a lot of stories about my personal life, but I've left out a very important aspect of my life, probably the most important aspect of my life. In my first year of college, I had two carry-over classes, which meant I failed two classes, so I had to retake them.

I smiled when I saw the two eye-catching F's for the course I had failed. I laughed because I told myself in my heart, no, that's definitely not me; Maybe I didn't get it right, so I looked at the name on the bulletin board again.

This time, I tracked it down with my fingers, one by one, until I found my registration number, name, and classes for that year. When I got back to my room, I couldn't believe my eyes, so I failed two classes.

My grades were not too low, because those exams I passed, I excelled. However, I still have to retake two courses with my junior classmates. It was heartbreaking, and I felt like an outcast. I went to private school, and private college is no joke around here. They are very expensive (tuition alone, not including the extra fees attached), and people will think you're an idiot if you have to redo a course. Say both courses should be repeated. Imagine that you have to take a class with someone who is a year above you.

Sometimes I do the math in my head that I have to get to class early and pick a seat; Otherwise, if I'm late, everyone will be staring at me (that sort of thing). I remember once, I was sitting alone far away from the dormitory, I was trying to read a book, and suddenly I thought of my parents. I was sad, I was in tears, because the more you give, the more you expect. I hate to give my parents an unsatisfactory result; They've done a lot for me.

I've always believed that there must be a God who oversees the affairs of this universe, but in terms of a relationship with God, I've never really had any relationship. So at that moment, with tears and soaked books, I decided to take God seriously.

I knew I couldn't do it alone, so my faith journey began there, during my first semester and first year of college. For me, my encounter with God is perfectly embodied in this biblical passage:

Psalms 119:71 It is good for me that I have been afflicted and that I might learn your statutes.

From then on, my way of walking with God was to go up and down sincerely; Sometimes it's static, sometimes it's progressive. Now, I don't even know what it is, but God has always been faithful to me. God has never failed me, but I have failed him again and again.

Over the years, I've drifted away from many of my friends; Some are necessary and some are not, but as far as feeling the presence of a friend is concerned, I never lack someone to talk to because His Holy Spirit is always present and permanent.

One thing you may not know about me is that I am a child of Jesus, and I need to know, read, hear, sing, and talk about Jesus every day; It's the only way I can keep myself from falling. Why am I writing this? Because in walking with God, I have learned to be grateful, which I have not expressed publicly on this platform, because I feel that mentioning God might push people or followers away.

Why should I be afraid? Who should I be afraid of? This is not fair to me! But I don't care anymore; I thank God for putting me on this stage; I thank the followers; I appreciate growing up; I'm grateful for the amazing people I've met here; Thanks to the developers of this platform; I appreciate it all.

My life may not have been as perfect as I wanted it to be, but someone just died and my dreams came to an abrupt end. I thank God for my life.