Her Heavy Embrace

Here I sit in silence, wall facing wall facing wall facing wall. I speak to no one in particular, and the walls echo, with silent snickers of my solitude. She smothers me with heavy arms as I move across the room. The door disappeared, maybe she hid it. I can’t be bothered to search for it.

There’s something addicting to my walls. I trace the chipping paint everyday with my finger. I must have composed a thousand sentences on these walls, but she hid them too. I guess she didn’t want the walls to be tainted with nonsense. I wonder if she can erase words in my head too.

Someone calls. I complained before about how no one calls. But I don’t pick up. She laughs at my irony. I laugh at mine too. She says, “you can go whenever you want”, and I say, “I know, but I’m comfortable here with you.”

I decorated my room with clocks and time calls even when my phone no longer calls. I stand up and trace walls, now not with words, I started to draw. And I realise as I spend time with her, I don’t get bored, but I do hope blindly that someone does call.

She says, “Look what you’ve done. You’re okay by yourself and now no one will call. Now you will forever spin in your chair, seeing wall facing wall facing wall facing wall.”

I know I did that to myself. I realised too late that once I don’t call out, she weighs heavier on my shoulders. She starts yanking me back into the chair and she calls and calls and calls. She tells me no one wants me. But even she gets bored. Am I about to be abandoned even by her? I can’t bear the thought.

What’s this? I reach out with my finger and the walls move closer, I feel the paint stripping back my nails, it squashes my fingers, it deafens my calls. She only got heavier, more and more. I feel swallowed by silence.

Someone calls.

Here I sit in silence, wall facing wall facing wall facing wall. She revealed to me the door. I guess, I was wrong all along. She never wanted to weigh me down, never at all.