CHIMA

A woman doesn't need to lift a car over her head to be strong. Women often show their strength in more measured ways than with physical strength.

Chima is the strongest woman I know on planet Earth.

“Catey, I have had three abortions in a row, and trust me girl on no account did suicidal thoughts cross my mind”

My stunningly beautiful friend sat across me, legs crossed in a modest way such that one look at her and you could tell she was a lady with class. Some prefer ‘woman of substance’. Yes, Chima had desirable virtues and since the day I met her, she was nothing but a flawless goddess before my eyes.

Her statement came as a shocker to me, not because I was petrified by the fact that she had committed murder but I hadn’t seen that coming. At least not from her. My facial gave me away and as I looked her way I knew she was ready to open up to one of her deepest secrets. Chima and I have known each other for close to six years and we share everything to the deepest level. I thought I knew her inside and out but it turns out that there is more to just what she chooses to show.

“Tell me about it,”

I managed to falter those words after a real tussle with my speech.

“I lost my virginity to the one guy I felt over the clouds with. He was so sweet and irresistible and in no time I gave him what was precious to me.

Do you know about first love, first experience?

It milks you dry.

It eats you alive.

It drives you nuts.

It blinds you to the core.

It turns you crazy.

I was in love or maybe I thought I was. My earth Catey, my earth was paradise itself. I was walking on toes, I was happy every waking day of my life and when we finally did it, I promised to love him beyond death. I gave my first love my forever. A seed was planted in me that night and I wasn’t aware of it until I missed my red spot that month. Then worry kicked in when I spent more hours in bed and the aroma of food sent me running to the toilet bowl.

He disavowed it, he said he was sure there was a mistake and that it was only a delay. Catey, my first true love did not own up to what he had done. That is how we ended things. It was silent and painful, he left me on read and never picked up nor returned my calls. At 19 years old with no experience at all, I was in the family way.

Fear consumed me and I did the unspeakable at 6 months. It was a matter of life and death, and I promised myself to go for confession the following Sunday. I felt it come out. The seed that had now turned into a fetus was heaved down the toilet drainage. And just like that, I got my normal life back. Got enrolled on campus and met Asaibo the guy who took advantage of my vulnerability.

Being the loyal girlfriend I did not keep anything from Asaibo so I told him about my first love which later he would use against me.

“Get rid of it as you did with your first one”, came a sharp response from an angry Asaibo.

I should have known better than to ask him to marry me because I was heavy with his child. I should have known better than to trust he would keep my secret safe with him and take it to the grave. I should have known better that there is no such thing as someone being your happiness. I should have known better than to give my life away to a stranger. Catey, if I could turn back time I wouldn’t put Asaibo first in my life. I am ruing in woe.

Aaah, my heart melts for this man I later met. I miss him with all my heart. I had to do what I did because I felt we weren’t ready at that time. Empty pockets, our accounts ready 0.00, incomplete education, our backgrounds not stable, how could we raise a child in such a condition? Tell me Catey, how? He cried with me that noon as I swallowed the second pill that I got from the physician. We held hands and as throbbing cut through my abdomen, he kept lamenting “It shall be well” He had my interest at heart but the universe had other plans for us. We are not together anymore but I hope he is breathing fine wherever he is. I see him when I sleep, I feel him when I’m alone, I think about him all the time, and with utter honesty missing him is an understatement.”

Dear Chima,

You are loved more than you can fathom. Thank you for being a wonderful friend.

With love,

Catey.