4 Long Years As A Vocal Writer

I started my eventful writing relationship with Vocal four years ago, and I’m truly happy that I did. As I reflect on why I’m here, I remember that I wanted this to be a space where I could be vulnerable, honest, and even if I didn’t win any cash I’d at least get to express myself in a way that I don’t feel as comfortable to in other spaces as a Black man. So, as I read through the many different prompts I’ve tackled, I admire how I followed through with writing pieces that I felt wouldn’t win but were still necessary to write. Whether they would be viewed as too political, too Black, too sad, or too different. I also admire that my writing has never been flagged, and I’ve never felt discouraged to share my story.

My first piece for Vocal was titled In The Event Of My Demise, and it was inspired by the poem by 2Pac that shares the same title. In his poem he writes,

In the event of my Demise

when my heart can beat no more

I hope I die for a principle

or a belief that I had lived 4

I will die before my time

Because I feel the shadow's depth

so much I wanted 2 accomplish

Before I reached my death

I have come 2 grips with the possibility

and wiped the last tear from my eyes

I loved all who were positive

In the event of my Demise!

With 2Pac’s words as inspiration, I decided to try to communicate with him and my father in my poem as if I was writing a letter to my ancestors. Both men passed away when I was a child, but have been important teachers for me as I’ve tried to figure out how this world works.

Throughout my life, I’ve been surrounded by a lot of death, and it’s created a very complicated relationship for me with grief. I talk about it a bit more than the average person, but I believe it’s necessary for coping through loss and as a reminder to appreciate the life we have here. Whether we do that through our art or with meaningful conversations in a comfortable setting. Before I leave this place and before I leave Vocal one day, I believe In The Event Of My Demise is how I would like to be remembered. Vulnerable, honest, and even if I didn’t win any cash for it I still expressed myself in a way that I wanted to as a Black man…

Thank you Vocal for being my place for healing…

In The Event Of My Demise

You talked about your future like you clearly saw it ending

Your words were way too vivid to show signs of you pretending

Inevitable demise, was it something you could do

To stray from the dismay, that you felt was haunting you

I feel your words can heal, everyone except yourself

What a curse to have a power, you can’t use when you need help

When I look down from the clouds, I hope I don’t feel disdain

And look down on a world that knows me by more than my name

I love you, always will, I see myself inside your eyes

Will we still look the same, in the event of my demise…