100 Posts Later…

I am glad to have been introduced to this outlet months ago. It has been greatest way for me to process all the life that has happened both to me and around me. I have enjoyed publishing every piece here and hearing all the thoughts from so many others about my work.

More recently, it has been great to find a new writing style and play around with different themes rather than sticking to what I was currently experiencing. I enjoyed the creative spin my writing has taken and I definitely want to do it more.

My page became some what of a diary or journal entry. Documenting a lot of the emotions I have felt that past couple of months and what life process I have been going through as well.

I don't look back on them though. I feel like each piece has its time and then I keep moving forward. Sometimes I want to look back, but I do get weary of the memories that are associated with some of the pieces I wrote. I still haven't fully processed enough and going back will only reopen those wounds.

I am pretty proud of how resilient I have been, but I still acknowledge the amount of times I wanted to delete this account and all my other social media accounts. Completely disappear. I do still think about it, but I have found that running will only get me so far and I need to face my emotions head on. The good, the bad, the beautiful, and the ugly. There's a beauty to feeling and I have a deeper appreciation for that.

My writing nowadays feels even more real and right, which I am also proud of. I am focusing my energy on the things that will either help me thrive, survive, and feel alive. Finding new love, different types of heartbreak, the challenges, and the new dreams I have continue to fuel me and it's such a different experience.

What’s next?

I’m hoping for new beginnings to fuel some new art. I’m so tired of being stuck in a place of never ending pain. I’m so ready for peace. Even if what I want to happen doesn’t happen, I know I’ll be out of my personal hell and that’ll be enough. I’m glad that I can have something to somewhat look forward too. Even if it is still uncertain.

My passion is still there. I want to use it more. I’ve been so exhausted living on survival mode and actually being able to live without the constant fear of losing myself, it lifts the weight on my chest.

And maybe with a new beginning, the physical pain won’t be so bad. Walking has been harder than it’s ever been and as much as I know people care that I’m in pain, I can’t really ever talk about it anymore. I don’t mean to burden anyone with my mess. But I’m learning to let people in more.

I wanna try new things. Even if they’re scary. I wanna share my work with more people and put a face to a name someday. Or maybe I’ll forever be faceless and my words will have the weight themselves. There’s beauty in being hidden and I do enjoy having a voice without preconceived story behind it.

One day I’ll be able to reveal myself in the truest fashion I see fit. For now, I am content in knowing that my work is being seen and people feel something from it.

To the next 100 works, let them be as true and raw as possible.