Winter Fly Fishing

Well ladies and gentle folk, it's that time of year again. Yes. Frozen lines, frostbitten fingers, negative flows, and even less bites. As anyone in the fly fishing community will tell you, the winter months are either the best or the worst. They're the best if you are a guide and get paid to take clients out to catch nothing for $600, and they're the worst if you're literally anyone else.

I'll be the first to admit, I hate the cold. I love the winter time and the snow, but something about sticking my bare hand into 30 degree water is just not appealing to me. I'm not sure if it's because I have permanent nerve damage in my hands or that my waders always feel like they're leaking when it's cold. Either way, 99% of fisher people will agree that winter fishing sucks.

Now I'm not going to sit here and complain about the prime hopper season being over for the next couple hundred words or so. No, I'm going to fill you in on a trade secret that us outdoors enthusiasts and fly fishing fanatics live and breathe by.

That's right folks, I'm talking about booze. If you're hitting the river any time of year without at least a personal six pack, you're doing it wrong. Now that we're approaching the yearly snowmageddon, it's time to start reevaluating your life choices.

The winter fishing rules are pretty simple:

1. You must have at least a personal six pack

2. The beer must be fishing themed i.e. there needs to be a river or fish on the can

3. If it's not at least 7% ABV you're drinking water

Pretty simple, I know, but you'd be surprised at how many people are unable to abide by the laws of the river. You're either a Hank style fisherman, or a Pat style fisherman. There is no in between. You're either goofin' on the water, or you're out to catch a personal best.

December and January fishing isn't about catching trophy browns, it's completely about slamming beers with the boys (or girls) on the river. If you're new to fly fishing, you might be wondering what the hell I'm talking about. Simply put, Hank is a comedic fisherman, and Pat is a Hall of Fame angler. So when I say winter fishing is time for the Hank mentality, it's all for the memes.

Don't be coming to MY waters, fishing quadruple nymph rigs, going on about how there's some asshole up stream stumbling through the water scaring all the fish. Some people might say "oh you're bad for the sport, you don't care about the ecosystem." And to the assholes who accuse me of being a total scumbag, I offer you a simple "fuck you." Not only do me and the other degenerates care about the environment, we always pack out more than we pack in. So before you attack me for drinking beers on the river with the boys, take a minute to look at Old Man Treble Hook over there leaving his empty six pack of PBR on the banks.

If I haven't made it clear, winter fishing is an excuse to go drink while simultaneously enjoying the wonders Mother Nature has to offer. If you think my girlfriend is going to let me go out and drink at a bar with the boys for a 4th time this week you are dead wrong. She would much rather I went fishing with my brethren.

That's what winter fishing is. Tricking the rest of the world (specifically significant others) into thinking you're going out to enjoy the wilderness, but really you're just getting housed with the fellas (or ladies, we're an inclusive community).

So to reiterate everything I've said, tell the Mrs. you're going fishing, grab the boys, grab a sixer or 5, and hit the river. If you're heading out to rip some streamers in January, bring some beers and enjoy those crisp winter views from the water.

Coleman, out.