Wildflowers That You Shouldn't Eat

Just because a plant is beautiful doesn't mean you should put it in your mouth. You might think that's obvious but the worst life hacks you should never try include eating whole containers of nutmeg, drinking Purell, and consuming morning glory seeds just because they can get you drunk or high. People need to be warned about everything! Also, there's no such thing as "obvious."

"Obvious" is something the man made up to shame you for not knowing the same things he knows and to facilitate victim blaming. I know the tricks of the man! I know that our conception of what's obvious is socially constructed and, as such, riddled by the biases of our culture. So, here's a list of wildflowers that you shouldn't eat. Do not use this as a list of wildflowers to eat! Do not eat these wildflowers to get high or as part of your Phantom Thread role play. You will get sick and maybe even die!

Foxglove

Foxglove is definitely one of the wildflowers that you shouldn't eat! Sure, they are beautiful, intriguing in shape and size, and their name makes you imagine a world of pure enchantment. But don't be fooled! Eating foxglove may cause a host of heart problems, convulsions, hallucinations, severe pain, and potentially death! That may not have stopped them from being an active ingredient in one of the weird Victorian beauty trends that were sometimes fatal, but you live in the future. You know better. I warned you!

Devil's Weed

Look, I get it: Lucifer is the morning star; the bringer of light. Satan's banishment in Christianity is meant to control you more than anything else. But take the name "Devil's Weed" at face value! This isn't what Beelzebub and Baal pass around to get toasty; it's one of the wildflowers that you shouldn't eat! Sure, these white flowers may have effects comparable to acid, but the plant sends both novice and experienced users to the ER. It's not worth it!

Poodle-Dog Bush

Whoever's naming wildflowers that you shouldn't eat needs to stop picking names that inspire images of awe and wonder! If I hear "Poodle-dog Bush" all I think of is Disney's Alice in Wonderland and the world around it! I don't think of turning red, swelling up, and experiencing intense itching for a long time.

Buttercup

"Buttercup" is a terrible name for a wildflower that you shouldn't eat! You might think the plant is edible because butter is a food. You may even imagine these beautiful yellow flowers on some pancakes. But if you're anything like me you love pancakes, waffles and french toast, but hate intense stomach pain! That's why you should never put these yellow flowers on your breakfast.

Doll's Eyes

Doll’s eyes look like lychee, and I love lychee! I could eat lychee after lychee. Nom nom nom. But if I did that with doll's eyes I could die. Even just a little bit would cause a serious case of mouth hurties. These are wild flowers you shouldn't eat!

Tree Tobacco

When I was in elementary school, sometimes me and the other kids would take the honeysuckle pistil and suck on it because it was sweet. If we did that with tree tobacco we'd experience vomiting, diarrhea, and even respiratory failure. Add these to the list of foods that are poisonous to dogs. This plant kills horses and cattle too, so just think what it'd do to a 7-year-old!

Mother of Millions

Mother of millions looks like an umbrella full of fun but it's definitely a wildflower you should not eat! Most often stock animals will eat it and end up getting diarrhea or even dying from heart complications.

Rosary Pea

Rosary peas are actually sometimes used to make rosaries, but if you accidentally eat just one you'll be saying your prayers–in the grave! You should not eat these wildflowers under any circumstances. The toxin in rosary peas is more deadly than ricin and ricin is what spies in movies use to kill people!

Hemlock

Hemlock is most famous for killing Socrates, who, in many ways, is most famous for being killed by hemlock. This is a wildflower you shouldn't eat, and you should also avoid water hemlock. This cousin of hemlock is considered the most deadly plant in North America. In fact, just don't eat flowers period! Hemlock isn't even a tasty looking plant but enough people have ingested it to know it's no bueno. Stop trying to eat flowers!

Miracle Leaf

Eat some miracle leaf and it'll be a miracle that you don't get sick. They're for sure a wildflower you shouldn't eat. The plant is known to cause heart poisoning, especially in grazing animals. And what's a human eating wildflowers if not a grazing animal?