Who Is Alexis Nogales

Music: A -L-E (clap, clap) X-I-S (clap, clap) N-O-G (clap, clap) A-L-E-S

I remember my mother singing this to me in the kitchen while she was teaching me how to spell my name and what street I lived on. That was her way of getting me to memorize important facts, by singing. I was a little girl with such a fiery personality. Singing was all I ever did, all I ever wanted to do. So it made sense for my mother to incorporate a song with a lesson.

My middle name is Alexis and I grew up on Nogales Avenue. I lived in a quiet neighborhood surrounded by wildlife and greenery. There I saw deer, wolves, foxes, and heard the music of owls and various birds. It was such a nice place to grow up. The story behind my given pseudonym, stage name, artist name, or whatever you’d like to call it stemmed from my mother watching television one day. According to her there was an episode where an artist created a stage name by utilizing her middle name and address. After watching that, my mother decided to adopt this idea and pass it on to me. I believe she always knew I’d do something creative with my life but at the same time wanted to protect me from the world. She always feared that my creative side may ruffle some feathers in the corporate world, but she often told me I’m on this earth to help someone get through hard times or be an example. Over time the name Alexis Nogales started to grow on me. When I was little, my mom would pretend to be a host for a concert and announce, “Presenting Alexis Nogales”. It was fun at the moment imagining what could be. I’ve contemplated whether or not to use this name for my artistic pursuits. Fast forward to now and I feel like I’m having an identity crisis while facing a few obstacles along the way.

Imposter Syndrome

Imposter syndrome is real and I am feeling every bit of it. You may be asking what’s the big deal. Part of the big deal, or personal struggle, is that I just so happen to speak Spanish. It’s not a cultural reason, but a coincidence. I love learning languages, growing up in Oklahoma exposed me to Spanish first, and I just so happened to live on a street with a Spanish name, Nogales. You know, I do believe that all of these coincidences are quite intentional. Maybe there is a purpose for this. The biggest and most confusing obstacle I've faced growing up was culture. Apparently, a black woman with curly hair speaking Spanish equals Afro-latina. Until my early adulthood, I had never heard of this word. No one talked about it. I never met anyone under this category, and I didn’t know the history behind it. The more my Spanish improved the more I was put in a box. Dominican, Puerto Rican, or some sort of Caribbean were the only three categories that were chosen for me.

Culture Clash

So what happens now? Mind you, I started learning Spanish when I was five years old. I am now twenty-nine and am still learning. What started out as an innocent quest for knowledge now has me feeling like I’m partaking in cultural appropriation. There are times where I felt like I had to defend a culture that was not my own because I could understand a racial slur said about me or someone else. There were times where I was caught in the middle, trying to prove my blackness to my own community. I never inteded to seek out validation from my hobby. I hid learning Spanish from many because it was supposed to be a secret treat for myself, a personal goal. The joy of enjoyment was all I wanted to share with myself. As I got curious, I started to research the history of the meaning behind Afro-latina. Now I understand why it’s a cruel joke to purposefully call a Dominican a Haitian. Given the history of how Haitians were and are treated, the insult left a sour taste in my mouth. I’m no historian, but I did my research. I stumbled across earning a degree in Spanish where I learned more of the literature, culture, history, as well as the language.

Try It. You Might Like It.

With the knowledge I’ve acquired and the experiences I’ve gained thus far, I’ve grown tired of being quizzed, interrogated, and categorized. My history as an American has a different story of oppression and triumph. I don’t need or want to carry the weight of another. I don’t know whether or not to be proud or insulted when I’m pushed into translating to showcase my abilities. It’s common for brown skin to be stamped as incompetent in European society. I’m no stranger to that. I fear Alexis Nogales may create controversy or exoticism. Again, maybe it's for a purpose. I looked up the name meaning because I believe words are powerful. What you call yourself is powerful, like manifestation.

Alexis: defender, protector

Nogales: (Spanish) walnuts; wisdom, discernment

I'm not sure if I'm over thinking and reading too much into all this, but I am curious to see where it takes me….