What They Don't Tell You About Being An Au Pair

When you decide to become an au pair, it’s because you want the opportunity to travel and (ideally) you don’t absolutely despise children. It’s the ideal setup for a young traveller.

But what they don’t tell you is that that child will quickly become your entire world. In the blink of an eye, you are thrust into this utterly unique social situation in which a professional person is paid to develop a deeply personal relationship with a child.

They don’t tell you that the first time you get that baby to really belly laugh will be the best part of your week. And the first time they get you to really laugh: there are no words.

They don’t tell you that you will spend hours of your own time thinking up games and activities and adventures that you think your kids will be excited by, even if it’ll only entertain them for 5 minutes.

They don’t tell you that your heart will melt into a puddle on the floor the first time–and the hundredth time–that they cuddle into your chest for comfort.

Without even realizing it, this tiny human who is just pure joy embodied, who is smarter and funnier than you could ever dream to be, will become your little baby bestie.

They don’t tell you that, no matter how much you love that little person, there will be many days where he tests your patience like it’s never been tested before and you will wonder why you ever took this job in the first place.

But then you’ll watch that baby learn to crawl and feed themselves and climb the stairs, and you will know that those small moments make all the hard ones worth it.

They don’t tell you that watching this person, who was a total stranger to you only a few months prior, take their first steps will fill your entire body with a pride you didn’t know could exist.

Being an au pair, is learning to be part everything: chauffeur, playmate, storyteller, personal chef, toy car mechanic, nurse, teacher. The list goes on.

They don’t tell you that the transition from being your kid’s favourite person in the world one minute to their worst enemy the next and then back again–constantly, all day, everyday–will give you whiplash like nothing else could.

When they start to say words like “uh-oh”, “shoes”, “nah”, “bubbles”, you will wonder idly if that’s your own accent you hear in their little voice.

You will experience an overwhelming happiness when the love of books you’ve instilled in them starts to show through, or when they start to use the manners you’ve taught them without prompt. You will start to see pieces of yourself in that baby and you will wonder how you’re ever supposed to leave them behind when it’s inevitably time to go home.

As an au pair, you will live in this constant battle between loving this tiny human to the literal ends of the earth while reminding yourself daily not to love too much. Because, at some point, you will have to hand back that baby that you helped to raise for the last time. There is this expiration date on being an au pair that, no matter how much you try to ignore it, constantly looms over every moment of those final months together.

Have I done enough? Will he remember me a year from now? What about ten years from now? Although I was blessed with witnessing so many new milestones, which ones am I going to miss out on? Will he like the au pair that comes after me more than he liked me? Do I even deserve to feel this kind of jealousy and devastation over a child that was never mine?

They don’t tell you how bittersweet the ending will be. Because you’ll be so excited to go home to your family that you’ve been away from for so long, but you’ll also be going through the worst heartbreak you’ve ever known, having to say goodbye to the family that you’ve gained here.

They will give you more than you could ever give them. And your stay as an au pair will be such a short period of time in that family’s life, but the love you feel so deeply for them will stay with you forever.

They don’t tell you that you’ll get into this job for the opportunity to live abroad, but that you’ll stay in this job for them.