The Grass Is Always Greener on the Other Side

"Your life looks like a dream, I'm so jealous, I wish I could be where you are so badly" are all things that I hear from people in my Instagram DMs regularly. I live in Paris, where I have been living for six months now. It has been amazing, but it has also been some of the hardest months of my life. I can promise you that anyone, ANYONE, who you see on social media posting envy-worthy photos of croissants and cafés at a cute Parisian cafe, or posing on a beach in Barcelona with a plate of tapas and a huge smile, is not living life like that at every moment. Living somewhere far from home is hard, it pushes you out of your comfort zone. Not being fluent in whichever language is spoken in your chosen country makes thoughtless daily tasks a new challenge. It's exhausting, thinking over exactly what words you are going to say just to order something. Feeling embarrassed, guilty even, for not knowing the language fluently. Feeling incompetent. Feeling lonely, because you can only be friends with people who speak your language, and that's if you can find them, which can sometimes be hard. You will experience discomfort that you will have likely never experienced, or maybe even considered, in your home country.

"Get out of your comfort zone" is probably something you've heard a million times before. Well, there is a reason why, and that's because that is how you grow. And why is growing so important? Because that is how we become better, wiser, more compassionate and understanding human beings. I have learned so much about myself, about my desires and goals, which would not have happened if I had not come here and experienced it all. I think one of the most important lessons I have learned has to do with my "the grass is always greener on the other side" mentality I have always had.

Since I was little, I have believed that there is a perfect place in this world where everything would feel right, and I would be happy and enjoy life every second of every day. Consciously, I maybe knew this wasn't realistic, but subconsciously I held on tight to this belief.

Last year, I moved from Portland, OR, where I had lived my whole life, to New Orleans, Lousiana, where I went to go to college. Before leaving New Orleans, I was obsessed with it. I was constantly imagining what my life would be like there, how much better it would be than Portland. I made a Pinterest board, pinning photos of what I would wear, what I would eat, pictures of friends and people partying, restaurants to go to, everything I could possibly plan for my new "perfect" life. I wasn't even sad when I left everything behind in Portland, I was anxious to create a new life for myself, to recreate myself.

And then I got there. It wasn't perfect, it was far from it. It was scary and uncomfortable. I didn't know a single person at my school, city, or even in the state. I was completely alone. I had no knowledge or familiarity with anything about the culture, food, city, or people.

Everything I had planned, imagined, obsessed over, flew right out the window. I started having doubts thinking I made mistake, this wasn't my "perfect place." "What had I been thinking?" I had made a few friends, but only two that I genuinely felt a connection with. I barely even left campus, let alone exploring everything New Orleans had to offer. I got into a relationship only two months into the school year that became my whole life.

My life had no purpose, and I was not doing any of the things I had been so excited about doing there. I stopped making art, became dependent on weed, and only hung out with my girlfriend, barely seeing any of my friends. I was depressed, but I didn't know what to do about it at the time.

Luckily by the second semester, I had met a wonderful group of friends, and started spending less time with my ex. I was becoming more of an individual and removing my identity from being centered around that relationship. A month before school ended we broke up. I was finally free, and I had the best month of my whole school year because I finally had enough time to be with my friends and have fun and be truly myself. Even still, I had dreams of Paris, and began the same process of obsession and pinning on Pinterest and planning on moving there, believing that once I was there I could truly be happy.

I came to Europe, where I was only supposed to spend the summer. I was having such a good time, and so many of my friends were also there. Life seemed flawless, I was convinced that Paris was my place and that it was the answer to my search for my special happy place. Of course eventually the dreamy novelty wore off when my friends all went back to America, and I was left alone.

It was just like it had been at the beginning of the school year in New Orleans, but 10 times intensified. I didn't know barely anyone here, but this time I couldn't fix that problem as I could in New Orleans and go out and make friends, because I couldn't speak the language. I felt sad and alone and frustrated because I couldn't do much to change the situation.

And then, one night talking to my mom on the phone, I had a realization about myself and this particular situation that I keep putting myself in. It was my belief that I would find this perfect place that was making me unhappy, the "grass is always greener on the other side" mentality.

There is no perfect place. There are many different and unique places in this world, each with their unique pros and cons. You just have to figure out with pros are non-negotiable to you, and which you can live without. Figuring out which cons you absolutely cannot live with, and which you can make do with is also just as important. Realizing this will make life so much happier for you, at least it did for me. When I fully realized this, I felt a weight lifted off my shoulders almost immediately. I had put so much pressure, so much anxiety, and so much fear placed on the belief that I had to find "my happy place" in the world. And the truth is, now that I have let the pressure of finding perfection go, I can actually live somewhere and be happy, without that voice constantly telling me there is somewhere better where the grass is greener.