Please Refrain From Saying, “Well, In My Country. . .”

Intuitive responses from our cultural upbringing

It’s tough. It’s automatic. It’s instinctual. It’s human. It’s a normal reaction. Ultimately, we are all products of our upbringing, home culture, and local traditions.

Hence, that response, or some variation of, "Well, in my country," may be typical when encountering one of ten thousand differences experienced when living or traveling in a country outside our native one.

Situations and experiences

Sometimes, it relates to simple customs or usage. A classic example is only getting a top sheet as part of one's bed linens in India--that is unless you're staying in a high-end luxury hotel that caters to international guests or traveling overnight on its massive train system. It's the same in Indonesia and Thailand. Asian countries do not typically use two sheets as is typical in the West.

Or, often, the differences may relate to culinary matters. For example, residents of the United States seem to be unique in that we like ice-cold drinks. I recall asking for ice in Paris decades ago, and the waiter responded, "Oh, yes, you Americans like to freeze your insides." Until that, I was unaware of that peculiarity. I've since discovered that ice usage is much different worldwide than in the States.

The importance of accepting other cultures' traditions

Embarrassingly, I know I’ve uttered the dreaded words..."Well, not in my country" or "In my country..." It wasn't claimed intentionally to be critical of a different situation or handling of a matter but merely as an observation or comment. Our cultural upbringing makes us almost internally programmed to reply or think.

In reflecting, however, how my host country’s residents must “hear” it, surely it is as a criticism or insult. Whatever country outside my own I may be visiting, it is theirs, not my own.

My country’s norms, culture, lifestyle, and customs are just that. They are my country’s. But they certainly aren’t superior to yours, dear Balinese, Indians, Thai, Nepalese, or Mexicans. Unfortunately, I think we too often forget that.

Turning the table, how would I feel, even though not replying audibly to the speaker, if a visitor in my native USA uttered similar words?

I hope I’d be polite. I hope I’d consider it a teaching moment to inquire about ‘how it might’ be handled in Syria, Ukraine, or Timbuktu. I know I’d not say: well, go back to your own country then if it’s so much better.

Although the thought might cross my mind, it is certainly not a stretch to imagine that, indeed, it could be a local’s thought about such a flippant, unthinking remark.

I have always endeavored mightily not to personify the classic Ugly American, well aware of the oft-valid perception of our behavior and attitude in foreign countries. In fact, I’m always embarrassed by some special treatment or comment resulting because of my citizenship.

But certainly, there have been times when I, too, have been guilty of careless statements.

Though it is impossible not to view the world through the prism of upbringing and our personal lives, with effort, we can be mindful not to be an obnoxious, insensitive guest.

Apology if insensitive

I humbly apologize to anyone to whom I’ve allowed such a thoughtless remark to pass my lips. I shall continue trying to do better.

We’re all a “work in progress” during this brief sojourn on the blue orb. My love of living in another culture is profound.

I cherish the differences of our worlds.

But mostly, I adore the beautiful, generous people who welcome and allow me the privilege of living among them.

Your time is valuable. Thanks for reading🙏.

© Victoria Kjos. All Rights Reserved. 2024.