Maine Is an Easy State to Move Away From, But Even Harder to Leave When You Visit

The title may seem confusing. How can a state be so easy to move out of, but so hard to leave when you visit? As someone who moved far, far away from home, I can tell you that it makes all the sense in the world.

I moved away from home only two months after high school graduation. I was 18, fearless, and excited for the new life ahead of me in Tennessee. I knew my extended family (which is my best friend's family, which has become my family too). I knew that I could be anyone I wanted, I could find whatever it was I was looking for. I am only three months shy of my six year anniversary of living in Tennessee, and I can say I am so happy I moved far away from home—still.

I don't really think about what I would be doing if I never moved out of Maine, I don't really think about what school I would've attended, I don't really think about that aspect at all. But, when I do visit home, whether it's for an event, or Christmas, or just a "break," I tend to think about what it would be like if I moved home right now. Where I would like to live, where I could possibly work, all the benefits of living in a place where I still know how to get everywhere.

This toys with me every time. Visiting home feels so good, because it feels like an actual vacation to me now, instead of feeling dread and wanting to get the hell out of dodge, like I did six years ago. I feel the happiness of visiting my favorite food spots, my favorite bars, the atmosphere in New England is different—anyone who lives/grew up in it knows what I'm talking about. I love seeing my friends that are still up there, I enjoy being in a state where everything has a small-town feel, probably because it's just all a small town basically. I can't help but feel that sometimes, maybe moving back would be good for me. My boyfriend loves it, sometimes we even talk about it. But, is it the right choice? Does it even make sense for us? It seems good as a day dream, but is that all it is—a day dream?

Don't get me wrong—I love the life I have in Tennessee. I have a good group of friends, I love my jobs (most days) in the little square in the town I live in, my internship is only ten minutes from my apartment, and I found the love of my life here. I'm not sure that it would've happened for me like that if I didn't move away, and for that; I'm glad I did what I did. But, it's hard for me not to wonder if I want to live here forever some days. Will I end up wanting a family? If so, will I want to raise them here in Tennessee, or will I want to raise them in Maine, because that's where I grew up? A couple of years ago, I would've told you absolutely not, I will be raising them here, and that's final. But now, the older I become, the harder it is for me; and that scares the shit out of me.

I will say that adjusting from Maine to Tennessee has become easier the more I travel between the two. I get to come back to my best friend and her sweet family, my parents know that I love it here, so the burden of leaving isn't as hard to bear. I sometimes wonder with my parents, would it be easier if at least one of them lived near me? If I decide to have children, I want them close to me wherever I go, because they're my parents. Who wouldn't want their parents close to them when you're raising a family of your own?

For anyone who has moved away from home to experience the world outside of their hometowns, some of you may understand where I'm coming from. Some of you are rolling your eyes, because their hometown to them is just that—their hometown, not the place where they planted their roots.

I guess for me, I know deep down somewhere that Tennessee is the place for me. I have a wonderful life here, and 18 year-old Maddy would be really proud of herself for sticking it out, and never moving back, even if I still have a lot of self-discovering to do. I'm proud to say that, at least. Still, the possibility sticks in my mind. I guess I'll just have to see where the wind takes me.

No matter what, my hometown will always be my home no matter where I go. See you at Christmas, Maine.