HOLA, MAMI

Being fluent in the Spanish Language is a real goal of mine, and in my efforts to improve, I've taken my shot at communicating with a range of Hispanics. In the midst of my practice, I find myself unsure of my statements more often than I ever am. It's been quite a humbling experience with many mixed messages. I've come to understand that as a man who aspires to learn a language different than my own, I am vulnerable. I'm taking on completely new terminology and rules of speech, and I can only trust that my studies are leading me in the right direction.

Thankfully, when it comes to the nature of people, I'm well equipped. Plus, my confidence in my knowledge/ability protects me a great deal. Although I may not completely know what drives the expressions and reactions of every Spanish speaking person before me, there are a few things I've already come to recognize.

For one, I don't expect every Hispanic individual to necessarily be ecstatic about someone outside of their culture being well-rounded in "their" language. Especially not the Latino-Americans who aren't so great at speaking the language themselves. In light of that idea, I've had to thicken my skin for the Hispanics who will dare to mock me, block me, or treat me with coldness. My efforts are solely in favor of me and my appreciation for dialects that fascinate me. Trust me; I need no Spanish [speaking] person's approval. Honestly, I expect to exceed a great deal of them.

Speaking of 'exceed', another thing I've had to remind myself is that a difference in intelligence can be just as divisive as a difference in language. In some of my encounters with Spanish natives, the communication seems ineffective regardless of whether I use Spanish or not. It's as if they don't recognize my choice of words. I've even found that some (Spanish) people will "correct" things that don't need correction, simply because they'd rather say something they're used to. I can recall moments in grade school when my way of speaking was new/different to people, simply because it was "proper." I don't doubt that the same thing has taken place in my communication with Spanish speakers.

I even had the opportunity of crossing paths with a native Mexican, and the conversation was quite enlightening. He told me that many of the Mexicans here don't speak "real" Spanish because they've lived in the states for so long and don't have as much education. (These were his words, not mine.) He claimed that even some of the Spanish in radio and television isn't "real" Spanish. He argued that sometimes the error in communication is not in what I say, but in the level at which I say it. If I may respectfully say, I had already started to figure that much out anyway. Still, the relay of the information was gratifying. Honestly, I often tell myself that learning from the average Latino is something I have to do with caution if I plan to translate my intelligence as well as my words. With all due respect to the culture, I highly doubt your everyday Spanish-speaking citizen is that much of a scholar in conversation.

Along with the former mentioned, I've also come to recognize that language differences can make us blind to personality traits. In my efforts to practice Spanish, my mind is normally very open to any Latino that I happen to encounter. Granted that some of them aren't in their own country, they may not be confident that any given person is going to understand them or respect them. This circumstance humbles them a great deal and can even make them quite shy. For that reason, I'm not so easily able to read them. In a number of instances, some of them have been able to get a little more comfortable with me, and I actually find myself a bit blindsided by their characteristics. Even the approach that some of them take in conversation is all too familiar to me when I finally understand what's being said. It's as if all of the things I can't stand in America men and women are able to disguise themselves in foreign people. At the end of the day, we are all human, but the differences in communication have made the differences in character that much harder for me to see. Although I will not let my determination wane, I've had to remind myself that not every Spanish-speaking person is necessarily someone deserving of my attention.

When all is said and done, I will not let my trials discourage me, for it is the duty of a leader to endure. Learning a language has already opened so many gateways to other enlightenment and growth. When the proper platform comes about, I will celebrate my struggles, and I will tell my story as it needs to be told. In whichever language I choose.

(The above text is a page in my personal journal; Originally written July 16, 2019. The following text is from the same era, written August 17, 2019, and tailored just a bit for Vocal.)

But enough about Spanish itself! Although learning the language has opened my eyes to so many ideas, it's also allowed me to look through the eyes of others. Not only have I gained knowledge about communication, but also empathy for the Hispanics persons I endeavor to communicate with. Studying Spanish has thankfully allowed both my mind and heart to grow.

At the top of this writing, I mentioned my language learning experience consisted of many "mixed" responses. These responses vary between good, bad, and none at all. Admittedly, the negative responses have left me confused and even a little bit vexed. At times, I've even felt like speaking Spanish to Hispanics is the absolute wrong thing to do. Some of them almost seem to be offended or embarrassed when I try. I've spent quite a few days trying to empathize with Hispanic people, so I can better understand how I might be making them feel.

For starters, some of these encounters can be uncomfortable or disappointing because you're not sure if you're being understood. It almost discourages you from saying anything at all because you don't want to put yourself in a weird situation. How foolish of me not to recognize sooner that Hispanic people may be feeling the same way.

One thing I've had to acknowledge is that I'm from the United States where most of us speak English. The majority of people around me are going to understand me, for this is my domain. The same cannot be said for many Hispanic people because they come from countries where the language and culture are different. As an American, I can go into most places and expect to be understood by whomever I choose to speak with. A man who was born and raised in Mexico is not going to have the same confidence, because the language he speaks is not as prevalent. I imagine the uncomfortable encounters I've had are nothing compared to that of a Spanish-speaking man (or woman, or boy, or girl.) Communicating in this country is harder for some of them than it has ever been for me. Understanding that circumstance will not only make me respectful of their silence but will hopefully encourage me to be more courageous in leading the conversation.

On a less serious note, I can imagine that many Spanish speaking people just don't care to entertain those of us who are "learning Spanish." For one, they are human beings, not experiments. If one doesn't have anything of relevance or substance to communicate, then it's quite clear that they just want to hear themselves talk. I often compare the idea to white people who obnoxiously listen to rap music when they get around black people. Are we supposed to be impressed? Congratulations, you noticed that I'm black. I imagine that hearing your language come from a non-speaker's mouth could strike you as frivolous and annoying.

Thankfully, in the moments I've chosen to speak Spanish, I've opted to discuss my endeavors and my studies in the Spanish language. I've never wanted to appear more fluent than I am, nor did I want anyone to mistake me for a Latino. In light of that, I think it's safe to say I've saved myself from looking foolish, but the idea is still worth consideration.

Moving forward, I have to be mindful that Spanish-speaking people are wary of ostentatious Americans who want to flaunt their beginner level Spanish. I understand now that laying it on too thick can actually be offensive. Redundant comments in Spanish probably don't deserve much of a response to begin with. I'm quite comfortable in the language, and I'd like for it to stay that way. I'll just invest my efforts in my studies and seize opportunities as they present themselves to me.

...and invested I have.

It's been 4 years since these valuable lessons were first put to paper and I've since come a long way learning the language. So long a way that I'm able to enlighten and lead Latin men older than myself. Perhaps there will come a day that I use the language to generate writing just as profound as this.