Everyone Else

I know marriage is not the scale to measure the success of a woman, young or not regardless, but it sure does help compliment her other independent prior or constituent successes.

But why is it so?

Why must a successful woman have a man? 'Oh she's the CEO?! But she's not married?! Why?'

Even I can't stop myself from asking such questions, but I do not understand, why do we think like that? Why are we conditioned to be intrigued by, is it a ‘Miss’ or a ‘Mrs.’ Is she a single mum or divorced? Why should these questions alter, the lens of humanity we see them through? I hope we do not forget that, the man may or may not be relevant to her success. He may or may not be weighing her down.

The orchestra-tors and (or) maneuvers, now lost with time, of these in-depth philosophy and in-depth psychology, so deep we have no history of when they came about or how they came about, we could only imagine that these dogmas are as old as we are, maybe even older!

But have you considered that, these Ideologies may be older than us? Isn't that ironic, but we indeed are only slaves to what is bigger than us, and these societal precepts are for sure 'bigger' than us. But for the fear of drifting off to unknown waters, like falling off a waterfall, we'd conform to the safe haven of not knowing.

I understand the matrimony of marriage, I really do and I appreciate it too. I think its bliss to find the right 'one'. In fact I think it’s a miracle to love and be loved by the one you love, the way you want to be loved; that must be everything. But I dare ask the not so unimaginable, what if you don't?! What do you do? Scavenge through the ravels till you find a diamond in the Bronx? Settle for less, when you know you deserve more? Go with whoever or whatever is available?

Isn’t that how you lose yourself while chasing wild goose, just so what? People don’t look at you funny, when you take a walk in the park, go groceries shopping or hit the gym alone?

No I don't think so. At the expense of what exactly do we place these thoughts and feelings? Or we don't care at all if we hurt others with our actions?

why do I feel a sting of pity when I see a woman in her mid thirties that is yet to tie the knot? Why does my heart go out to her?

Why do I say a silent prayer for her, even before I could stop myself? Why do I sample her pictures? Why do I feel she has the problem? These are questions I have no answer to. But sometimes, not so often thou, but more times than I want to admit, they keep me up at night and I'm left wondering through the most logical reasons why?

But these feelings are not the same for a man, why?

'She thirty and she's not married?!'

Ah!

Her mother already sees it as her biggest problem yet. The reason for a high blood pressure. And ridiculously even higher blood sugar. A reason to stare at space like all hope is lost, a reason for her food to be so distasteful, a reason to stay up all night crying 'my enemies have succeeded!' or the more famous one 'anyone stopping my daughter's progress in life die by fire!'

Progress? Is a man now solely addressed and identified with that not so single entity? It should be demeaning, but of course it not. If anything it's a reason to readjust one's already adjusted 'babanriga' or whatever the suitable idiom is.

'His thirty and not married?!" Oh ok!

I see nothing wrong with it. You too? Finally catching up, are we?!

'A woman should get married earlier' oh yes I've heard that one before. It goes along the lines of 'her biological clock....' from there it's a lot of blah blahs. But that shouldn't even be brought up, by now it shouldn't be a problem, if we wanted, because there are many ways to settle that.

I know what you want to say __How do I? ; Because every right thinking person is thinking the same. Or you could just refer to me as a witch.

So right now, you want to argue, a woman does need a man, and a successful woman more so. That, my friend is very correct! Like 100% right. Then what exactly I'm I saying? we seem to be on the same page. Seem. What, I'm saying is:

A woman must not have a man, he isn’t a necessity for survival and she has the right to have an identity outside his existence. A woman may or may not need a man. What she chooses for herself, or whatever circumstances surround her with is not up for discussion. Never should be.

Although we are blinded by folds we cannot see. And purged by thoughts 'bigger' than us, so big we cannot see the end of it, it is still necessary that our thoughts are purely ours.

We always talk about equality, but I dare laugh at that statement.

I'm sorry I'm not a messenger of doom. I'm a realist. Don't consider me pessimistic. That could hurt my alter ego. Probably won't, but let's imagine it could. I don't even want you thinking outside the box. I just want you to take a breath of fresh un-opinioned air, and realized you were trapped in a box. Not you really, your thoughts were.

Open your eyes, I know we all hope for an equalized world, but that won't happen if you’re imprisoned by your own thoughts, through your mind and worse without even knowing it.

This piece is opening both our eyes; the writer and the reader. I'm not nominating a woman for the role, place or societal adoration of a man.

Perhaps, maybe you want to argue the place of a woman is under a man, and probably always will be. I do not agree, but I can’t have senseless arguments, over text, I just want to appeal to your sense of humanity, if there’s any; have you ever stopped to realize that by trying to reinforce your opinion on where and what a woman should be, you might have trampled her way beyond intended?

It may not bother you now, but what do you think happen to trampled things? Give it a thought, maybe.

I want to ask a question. A question I've thought about so many times, but for the first time I'll be voicing it out. Do you really think gender equality is possible?

I do not require an answer. I already have mine.

I know marriage is not the scale to measure the success of a woman, but does everyone else know that too?