A True Test of Willpower

As she trudged along at mile 22, the crisp snow crunching under each step, Natalie cursed herself for signing up for this. Who in their right mind decides to run their first ever marathon… in Antarctica?

Every single fibre of her being wanted her to stop. She hurt in places she didn’t know could hurt, her feet felt like lead weights, and she was convinced she didn’t have the mental capacity to keep going. At least the blisters on her feet had stopped hurting, though she wondered if the numbness wasn’t just frostbite setting in. She tried to focus on the horizon but she could barely open her eyes against the blinding white snow stretching infinitely in front of her.

“Where the fuck is the finish line?!” She yelled in frustration.

She’d been fighting an internal battle, and her own thoughts of self doubt were the enemy. They crept up on her at about mile 13 and had been slowly taking over with each painful step since. It was beginning to look as though self doubt was going to win this war. Was she really cut out for this? Or was this all just a huge mistake?

And as if on cue, her right foot landed on a patch of black ice and she slipped. Her left foot swung up and over her head as she went crashing backwards, smacking her head on the ground.

Lying on her back dazed, she thought “What the hell am I doing here?”

That was the last thought she had before losing consciousness.

Two years earlier, Natalie had landed her “dream job” as the Billing Manager for a top law firm in Boston. She oversaw the operations of a team of 8, and was making decent money. She had a fairly serious case of “keeping-up-with-the-Jones’” ...so she also spent decent money. In the end netting next to nothing.

Just one week into her new job, Natalie was having a particularly rough day at the office.

“I closed the paper tray! WHY ARE YOU STILL BLINKING AT ME?!” she yelled. The photocopier blinked back, uncaringly. Clearly taunting her.

“Having fun?” her team member Kev asked sarcastically.

“Why does this machine hate me?”

Kev laughed. “It doesn’t hate you. Here, let me have a look.”

Kev then proceeded to pull out the exact same paper tray Natalie had, and push it back in just like Natalie did.

Except when he did it, it worked.

“That’s what I just did! I know that you’ve helped me, but somehow I’m now just as annoyed at you as I am at this stupid machine.” she said jokingly. ...sort of.

“Given the circumstances I feel like that’s understandable.” he said with a smirk. “I’ll leave you to your copying.”

Back at her office Natalie sat down, perched her elbows on her desk and slowly lowered her head into the palm of her hands. “I’d love for at least one thing to go smoothly today.” she thought.

Realizing she had too much work left to do, she snapped herself out of her pity party and decided to start with the simplest task on her list - file the copies she just made.

She walked over to the file cabinet, opened the bottom drawer, and ran her fingers over the tabs of each of her well labeled and alphabetized manilla folders until she found the client she was looking for. She inserted the document and with gusto (and a bit of relief at something finally going right), she slammed the drawer shut.

But it didn’t shut.

She tried to push it closed again, but the drawer kept opening. She opened it all the way, and with all the strength she could muster, slammed it shut. But the drawer wouldn’t shut, as if some invisible force field kept it from closing past a certain point.

“Of course.” she said with a huff as she knelt down on the floor to peer in behind the opened drawer.

She could see the outline of something in the back of the filing cabinet behind the drawer but couldn’t tell what it was. So she took some files out of the drawer to make it lighter and lifted it up off its track so she could pull it out of the way completely. She reached in and grabbed what felt like a small notebook. With a solid yank she was able to free it from the back of the cabinet and get a good look.

It was a small black notebook. A feeling of nostalgia gripped her as she stared at the all too familiar white print on the front

“IT IS DANGEROUS TO GO ALONE! TAKE THIS.”

A picture of Link’s sword from the Nintendo game Zelda lay embossed beneath it.

Opening it to the first page, she found a simple note: If found, please return to Stephen Schrute. His address and phone number were both listed.

There wasn’t much in it. Some scribbles, a few phone numbers, and what she could only assume were passwords for something. Nothing that looked important in any way, and yet she felt compelled to return it to its owner.

“Maybe returning this will make me feel better” she thought to herself as she began dialing the number.

“Hello?” a man answered the phone, his voice exuding a calm warmth that immediately set Natalie at ease.

“Hi, is this Stephen Schrute?”

“It is! With whom am I speaking?”

“My name is Natalie, and… this may sound weird but I found a little black book with a note to call you if it was found. So, I’m calling.”

“Oh. Wow! I thought that thing was lost and gone forever. Where did you find it?!” He sounded overly excited given the lack of perceived value Natalie placed on the contents of the book.

“I work at Dewey, Levitt, & Richardson in Boston and found it tucked in behind one of the drawers of my filing cabinet.”

“Ah, of course.” There was a sadness in his voice in that moment, and she chose not to ask how the book ended up in her office.

“Would you like me to bring it to you? Honestly I wasn’t sure how important it was.” Natalie queried.

Stephen laughed warmly down the phone. “I can understand how you’d think it not important; but I assure you it is! If you can bring it to me that’d be great, but I’d be more than happy to come to you if it’s easier.”

“Where do you live?” she asked.

“I’m in Somerville.”

“That’s not far at all,” Natalie started, “and it’s practically on my way home. If you want to text me your address, I can be there in about 20 minutes if that works for you?”

“That would be wonderful. I’ll see you then. And Natalie… thank you.”

He was so sincerely grateful that Natalie was bringing this book to him, which left her both confused and intrigued. What was so important about it?

Natalie immediately locked up her office, jumped in her brand new Jeep Wrangler and headed for Somerville.

He must have heard her pulling into the driveway because as she was walking towards the door, he was already opening it to greet her.

Stephen was tall with broad shoulders and salt ‘n pepper hair, and he wore glasses that seemed to emphasize the kindness in his eyes. Natalie guessed he was somewhere in his 60s.

“Natalie I presume?” he said with a warm smile.

“That’s me! And I have your notebook right here.” Natalie smiled back, pulling the small black book from her purse.

“I really can’t thank you enough, Natalie. Won’t you please come in for a cup of tea? I’d love the opportunity to explain why this notebook is so valuable. I want you to understand what you’ve done here.”

“Oh, I mean sure that’d be great.” She said calmly. But internally she was thinking “Thank god! The curiosity was killing me!”

As they got comfortable on the couch in front of the fireplace, Stephen crossed his legs, turned to her and asked “Do you know what Bitcoin is?”

“Erm, yeah I know of it, but I don’t really get it.” Natalie replied.

“That’s okay. Are you aware of the stories going around of people who have lost their passwords to their Bitcoin accounts? They have, in some cases, millions of dollars that they’re unable to access?”

“Oh! Yeah I’ve heard about that! How gut wrenching that must be.”

“I can say from personal experience that it is exactly that - gut wrenching.” he confirmed.

Natalie’s mind went back to the contents of the book, specifically to the scribbles she thought were passwords. Did she just hand him the key to millions of dollars?

“My wife Lynn used to work at Dewey, Levitt, & Richardson. My daughter Tammy went to the daycare in the building, and she LOVED my little black notebook. She’d pretend she worked with her Mom and it was her planner ‘for work’. She carried it with her everywhere. If Lynn worked late, sometimes she’d bring Tammy to her office. Tammy probably had the book with her and left it in one of the drawers, and then you found it.”

He stopped to sip his tea, but Natalie got the impression that he was also taking a minute to reminisce.

“I’m sure you’ve pieced together by now that the notebook you’ve returned to me, contains my passwords for my Bitcoin account.” He stated matter of factly.

“Yeah, that’s pretty exciting for you isn’t it?! Lynn and Tammy will be thrilled no doubt!” Natalie chirped excitedly.

“Well, sadly... Lynn passed two years ago.” He looked up as he said it and noted the discomfort on Natalie’s face. She wasn’t sure how to respond to a complete stranger telling her something so personal and devastating.

He quickly continued “In a way, I think it’s good that I didn’t come into this money until now. As cliche as it sounds, losing Lynn made me take stock of what’s important in life. She died knowing she spent money on material things that became useless to her. And yet there were so many experiences in life she wanted to have and never did. She made me promise that for both myself and for Tammy, that we’d learn to prioritize experiences, not things. Now that I’ve learned that lesson, I can put this money to far greater use than perhaps what I would have before.”

It did sound cliche. This was all stuff Natalie had heard before. And yet, it was like she was hearing it for the first time. Maybe she felt she saw a bit of herself in Lynn? Natalie also spent her money on material possessions; she loved having the newest version of everything. And there were plenty of experiences she wanted to have but was too afraid. They even worked at the same law firm.

Natalie didn’t want to die never having experienced life. She made that decision, right then in that moment.

“Wow,” Natalie stammered. “I… I don’t know what to say. Thank you so much for sharing. Honestly, you’ve given me a lot to think about in terms of my own priorities. It’s time I start living life.” She said with absolute resolve.

“That’s music to my ears!” Stephen exclaimed. “In fact, I’d like to help you get started.” He said as he walked over to his desk.

Natalie followed him with her eyes, confused by what he meant by that.

He came back with a check in his hand, and as he gave it to her he said “You went out of your way to return that to me, even though nothing inside indicated it was important or worthwhile. This is a small token of my appreciation for your kindness.”

Natalie looked at the check, and her eyes all but bugged right out of her head.

“$20,000?! This is a small token of your appreciation?! I can’t accept this, it’s too much.”

“At the risk of sounding tacky… please understand, compared to what you’ve just given me, this IS a small token. And I insist. It’s yours. Go have yourself some experiences.”

Natalie came to on the ice, and as she sat up she rubbed the back of her head with her right hand. Looking at her hand, relief set in as she confirmed she wasn’t bleeding.

She checked her watch as she got her bearings. She’d only been out a few seconds. She sat up, surprised that in such a short span of time she seemed to have re-lived that entire day in her mind’s eye.

She remembered what it felt like to immediately know what she wanted to do with that money. Since its inception in 1995 Natalie had wanted to run this Antarctic Marathon, she was just too terrified to do it.

This was the adventure she chose and she wasn’t ready to give up on it. And with that, her thoughts of self doubt left her.

“I set out to have some experiences. I never said they’d all be good ones!” She chuckled to herself as she began slowly jogging again.

She didn’t understand it, but she felt lighter and freer. She picked up her pace, and couldn’t help but smile, suddenly assured that she was going to finish this race.

As she crossed the finish line, the feeling of accomplishment was overwhelming. She had overcome so many fears and doubts to get here. And she had learned a very important lesson.

Sometimes, the best experiences we can have are the ones that in the moment, really challenge us.

She left Antarctica a different, and more confident person than when she arrived.

… and she was already planning her next adventure.

The End.

This short story is dedicated to my best friend Jill. Despite her usual sense of adventure, she refuses to run the Antarctic Marathon with me because it's too cold. I told her I would stop harassing her about it.

I lied. ;)