You Don't Have to Say No

When I was 16-years-old, I realized I wasn't your normal female teen. I never drank. I never partied. The most I did was pretend to smoke weed once and it was super obvious.

When it came to sex, I had no idea. All I knew was that I wanted to do it. And this isn't even about my first time, or even my second time having sex. And I think that's what makes this story so powerful.

Halfway through my sophomore year of high school, after changing schools multiple times and dealing with a lot of mental stress, I decided to drop out and get my GED. That path totally worked for me, but at first I took advantage of it.

I hung out with my friends and disobeyed my parents. It was nothing super serious, just small things. I started hanging out with this person who we will call Alex. Alex was super fun, but did terrible things I went along with. They shoplifted, cussed out their parents, and much more. But it gave me a rush to do things that weren't okay, so I kept hanging out with them.

One weekend, my parents went out of town, and they trusted me to be home alone with a couple of friends, because they knew I could handle myself. Most of my friends cancelled... except Alex.

I wasn't too upset because I had slight feelings for Alex, so some alone time wouldn't hurt anyone, or at least that's what I thought. Later, I found out Alex had told everyone not to come.

I thought it would be fun to watch cheesy children's shows and drink, since I never really did it before. We took a glug of everything in my father's collection and mixed it. Plus, we took some old beers from the fridge that had been there for six-plus months.

I got to the point where I could feel the alcohol, and I liked it. I liked it too much. Alex kept watching me take drink after drink... and never once picked up the glass. I got to the point where everything was funny, and I leaned over and kissed Alex.

Hard.

You could tell he liked that, so he proceeded to lead me upstairs to my room. I will spare you the details but I ended up being tied to a bed and I did not enjoy a second of it...

The next day, my parents were still gone and I never said anything to Alex. I kept blaming myself for drinking without him drinking as well, or maybe I didn't say no so it was my fault....

The next night rolled around and Alex stayed over again. This time I didn't take a single drink. As the day came to an end, I found myself making out with Alex, which I was fine with. He was attractive. But then it got more aggressive.

I started to get scared, but he was definitely stronger than me. I pushed him away but he just laughed and kept going... The night was worse than the first...

After that, they blackmailed me, but we don't have to get into that.

Just because I didn't say no doesn't mean I didn't show that I didn't want it. This is still sexual assault and is not okay. I have since been able to talk about it and have gotten help.

You don't have to say no to make it wrong, and if you have had a situation similar to this, speak up. I know it's hard but people will understand.

You will always have people to support you. <3