Why Your Relationship Wasn’t Meant to Last Forever

There’s this guy I met on a dating app. At first, I was only looking to hook up, but somehow this guy got the wrong idea.

He is an average guy but a little weird. He is not the kind of guy I would date on a regular day. I was bored and was looking for a distraction.

On our first date, he was all clingy and cuddly, and we ended up kissing. Probably, why he got the idea I was into him, because I let him in easily.

He constantly sends me messages like, “hope you have a nice day today. Try not to miss me too much” or “have a lovely night and dream about me.”

I appreciate this, but we have only been together once to get into that kind of stuff.

I think he’s falling too hard for me, and I feel bad about hurting him. Even though I do not see this going anywhere, I still feel like I’m leading him on.

Seduction comes easy with me, but sometimes I get stuck when they develop feelings for me.

And instead of breaking off the relationship, I would either ghost them or keep them as casual dates.

Most people are like that. We get caught up in our games. We rush into casual dates with strangers because we think we can get in and out of any relationship so easily, and but then we get stuck and wane about dating the wrong person.

There’s nothing casual about sexing someone.

The hook-up culture brainwashes us to think we can casually date people without involving our emotions.

Well, only very few can resist getting emotionally attached after sex as it appears that there’s a correlation between love and lust.

Emotional closeness and long-term relationships are associated with love, while physical attraction and one-night stands are associated with lust.

Sex stimulates certain parts of our brain, which explains why we often feel happy and closer to our partner after sexual intercourse.

Since science proves that our brain may be wired to associate sex and lust with attachment and love, casual dates can often result in one being in a relationship with someone they aren’t compatible with when the oxytocin builds up.

As hooking up takes over from dating as a means of heterosexual interaction, you should be aware of some warning signs that prove your partner is settling in the relationship so you can move on and find someone who makes your life better.

She doesn’t encourage you to become a better person.

Someone who loves you will have your best interest at heart. They will motivate you to aspire more than where you were before you met them.

If the girls you are dating does not make you feel the anxiety to be at the top of your game — pushing you forward in your career, it’s a sign she’s only settling in the relationship.

You need to be with someone who will drive you to achieve your dreams.

Someone to help you build an empire and crush it. Because that’s what will really make the relationship stick.

She builds resentments after a fight.

Fighting is normal in relationships, but resentment is not. If your partner resents you each time you get into an argument, it will destroy the foundation of your relationship.

Resentments are the corrosive acid of every relationship. There are four key behavioral signs that show your partner is resentful.

If she criticizes you, gets defensive, feels contempt or stone walls whenever you two fight, these can build resentments that steep into the foundation of your relationship and ultimately erode it.

She hates when you leave your stuff at her place.

Having a physical reminder of you and your closeness to someone who isn’t that interested in you can be too much for them to handle.

Sometimes, leaving things behind is one thing that triggers the feeling of realizing that you are not ready for that kind of commitment.

If you notice that she gets annoyed or insists you take all your things with you when you leave, it shows she doesn’t want to be with you for the long haul.

She’s bothered by little things that shouldn’t matter.

It’s normal behavior in a relationship to surprise your partner at their place of work or join their conversation with their friends.

But if your partner gets annoyed over little things that show affection, then you should re-evaluate your stand in her life.

A woman who loves you would want to bond with you whenever she can. She will appreciate any gesture the reinforces your love for her.

She doesn’t feel guilty about hurting you.

When you care about someone, you feel their pain as yours. But when you’re settling in a relationship, your emotions are numb towards your partner.

You are selfish and do things that only please you. You don’t care if you are caught watching porn or seducing other people in front of your partner. You don’t feel guilty when caught cheating, either.

If you notice she isn’t remorseful about her mistakes, it’s clear that she doesn’t care about the relationship.

Relationships take hard work, and they are never perfect. There are always disagreements, arguments, and conflicts in communication to make things work.

However, a good relationship should not make you feel manipulated, or coerced, shameful, controlled, or pressured to do what you not what you do. You should not feel disposable or empty when you are with the right woman.

Settling makes you feel disposable and controlled, which isn’t healthy. If you are settling in your relationship, it’s time for you to let it go, so you can focus your time and energy on building yourself for someone more deserving.

This article also appeared on Medium