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What to Say Before You Move Out

by Ashley Murga 4 years ago in family
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As a Hispanic Female, it is often considered Taboo to leave your home if you are not yet married.

For years, misogony has reigned in our culture. Women in my culture were taught to be submissive and women of their homes, but what happens when you decide to break the mold? 

There were things that never really made sense to me. Just as anyone else, I too wanted to "fly" the nest once I turned 18. I was a poor excuse of a student when I reached my senior year in high school. However, by chance or fate I had managed to get a scholarship at a school that was four hours away from my hometown. When I got the letter in the mail, I couldn't believe it. Growing up in a small town, where everyone was either pregnant, dropping out, or selling drugs, to me this was huge. I still remember the exact words I told my mother, as I showed her the letter. She was proud, the kind of proud that makes her talk about it for hours over the phone to our grandparents, aunts, and uncles in Mexico.

She didn't account for the rest of the news, the kind that made me nervous. I had grown up very sheltered, so to speak. You are not allowed to be out once it's dark; a lady has no place outside after dark. You must learn to cook and clean because eventually that is the only thing that will matter in your home. How good of a hostess you can be—you take pride in this as a Hispanic. Everything has to be immaculate. As a woman, you must create a home while the man provides the money for the home. It shocked me so much. I always questioned everything and so to speak hated every bit of it. I was the only female between two brothers. Even the slightest thing I did had to be approved of. They could come and go as they pleased. For them, everything was off of their head so to speak. For me, it was this undying pressure of how much I could do in order to become more of a woman, even if I wasn't respected as one.

I began to look at school as an escape. I wanted to get as far away as possible from a place that never let me grow and flourish into what I knew I could be. I began to rebel, even did things I am ashamed to mention. I wanted to be everything but lady-like. However, I never stopped to think to thank my mom and dad—thank them for their generosity, their time and love. I do still stand by the fact that pushing an idealistic mold on a young woman isn't the best way to make her grow. It is a way, however, to teach her discipline, to teach her how to make a meal for herself, respect herself, and show her that she is her own universe—the one that can do everything and anything on her own.

As you grow, please don't forget to thank your mom for all the sacrifces she faces each and every day. Just as you feel the growing pains, she feels the pain of her child growing right before her eyes, the same child who gets frustrated when she is not allowed to do what she wants, as this is not beneficial to you.

Sit down with her and tell her the truth, even if it scares you. Trust me, no one fears you leaving more than the woman who gave birth to you. We were never a culture to sit and talk about our feelings, but there is always a time for everything. Do not escape your house. Walk from it to something new.


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Ashley Murga

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