What Men Fear Most About Going to Prison Is What Women Fear Most Walking Down the Sidewalk

The Normalization of Rape Culture

By Samantha KristinePublished 6 years ago • 5 min read

Intaglio - 2018

“What Men Fear Most About Going to Prison is What Women Fear Most Walking Down the Sidewalk.”

No One Asks What My Rapist Was Wearing

Public school boards and dress codes tell little girls to cover their shoulders instead of telling little boys not to oversexualize common skin exposure. Corporate offices and human resources call meetings to address the length of women’s skirts instead of hiring men who can handle the exposure of knee caps. Mothers teach their daughters to cover up and be modest because fathers lack the ability to teach their sons to respect women no matter the amount of skin that is shown.

We grow up being taught to respect our elders, which is a simple instruction accepted by boys (individuals that can’t seem to understand that a women’s respect is more valuable than his own desire). Where did we, AS A SOCIETY, forget to teach them to respect their daughters, girlfriends, classmates and strangers.

If boys can respect their grandmothers when they wear a tank top, why does my youth give those boys the right to limit the respect they give me; my teammate or my sister? If there is no sexual arousal when boys see their mother’s legs, back or stomach then there should not be automatic sexualization of any other women.

We teach girls while they are young to be modest, show self-respect, keep their legs closed, put on a sweater and to not flaunt themselves. Meanwhile, we forget to teach boys that regardless of a women’s attire she too deserves respect.

We teach our daughters tricks like never go to the bathroom alone, walk with their house/car keys between their fingers, carry pepper spray, learn the basics of self-defense, don’t drink too much when they out, try not to walk the streets alone, or in the dark (or really ever), and more so, we teach them how to adapt their lives to prevent being raped. But we forget to teach our boys NOT to rape.

Young women begin college with a new can of pepper spray. Boys begin college with a new box of condoms.

It shouldn’t matter if a woman is walking down the street, dancing at the bar, or laying in a bed her clothing does not determine her consent. Her tight black dress is not an illuminated OPEN sign! Her exposed thighs are not a welcome mat! Her pussy is not yours! And my efforts to convince you not to do this IS NOT HOW I PLAY HARD TO GET.

Definition – NO: (exclamation) used to give a negative response.

“Is anything wrong?” “No.” “Don’t you like it rough?” “No!”

Synonyms: absolutely not, of course not, under no circumstances, by no means, not at all, never

Informal: nope, uh-uh, nah, not on your life, no way Jose

Other: I don’t really want to, maybe we shouldn’t, I think I want to leave, I don’t want to, please stop…

Why Are You Afraid of Me When I Open My Mouth but Not When I Open My Legs?

He can take everything from you. He’ll take your confidence and misread it as a welcome sign. He’ll take your one drink too many as his invitation. He’ll take your moment of need and turn it into his moment of pleasure. He’ll take your silence as consent, your pleas to stop as begs for it harder. He’ll take your control, your body, your night, your tomorrow morning, your conversations with friends, your ability to trust, and your love for yourself.

And when he leaves you, you will be nothing; an empty carcass exposed to the guilt and shame swooping in like vultures

Imagine what once was the strength to say no taken from you and left with the belief that his experience holds more value than your respect.

Imagine the hope to lay next to someone without fear replaced with your real-life horrors.

This nothingness is now you. You close your eyes and scream all the “please stops” and you beg with your nails digging in his shoulder, but the words aren’t real and your tight hands around his bicep is only another thing turning him on.

And like a light switch you will turn off. You will star into the ceiling panels and you will become nothing more than a vacant playground here for his convenience and the curves of your body will be a one-way road to his sexual ecstasy.

8 – the number of times I have been sexually assaulted
13 – the number of times I’ve been sexually harassed
22 – the number of times I were too inebriated to make better decisions then I had
5 – the number of how many times I were too drunk in comparison to the 8 sexual assaults that I’ve encountered

Every 98 seconds an American is sexually assaulted and 1 out of every 6 American women has been the victim of attempted or completed rape in her lifetime

We are walking, breathing, and terrified statistics living in a world where men are applauded for upping their numbers and we are at their expense. Repeatedly pushed more into the nothing that we feel every time he touches our thigh when we wished he wouldn’t have ever sat down. Oblivious to the amount that we endure. The numbers that we can’t say no to giving out because we are raised to please. The drinks that tie us to an unspoken payment when you approached us. The cat calls and ass slaps, the slut shaming when you fuck us and the bitches we become when we finally say no.

5 – the number of years since my first assault
2 – the number of months since my most recent
Infinite – the amount of time I’ll carry their faces with me, the amount of days I will not let them break me, and our worth