What it means to be in a sexist family

Have you ever tried to talk to a man about sexism and feminism? How it works, the fundamental beliefs, the taboos, the myths, all the gory stuff? Did they take it with an open mind, without being offended? I mean, I do hope they understood that they are two different things right? One is about the oppression of women and the other is about women empowerment. I can understand though, why they would feel personally attacked and offended by feminism. Feminism is proof that women have been oppressed, an ode to sexism if you will. But that would mean that men are and have done wrong. Oh no. That just can’t be. Some men might even think feminism is what sexism is called when women are sexist to men. Of course, if women fight for their equal social standing to men then that is in turn oppressing men. There’s no such thing as an equal power balance, someone has to be superior and if women try to gain that position, then it’s threatening, it’s sexist, it’s feminist. But anyways, let’s hope those men you have talked to before did not believe this. It’s a bit different in my case.

Talking to men in my family about sexism is worse than taking to a wall, because at least the wall listens. In general, it is more like talking to a tidal wave, they take in your opinion and seem to respect it and agree with you, but then they rebound that opinion back at you with a backhanded retort. Men cannot be wrong, atleast to themselves and other people “lesser" than them. That is why I believe it is a waste of generic time to even bother explaining to them why and how sexism is bad and occurring, because it is due to the man's superior and wrong worldview that sexism exists.

You know what I find sexist, segregation amongst the household based on sex. You can see the deep seated sexism in family dynamics just by analyzing the unspoken rules that are followed. For example, our bbq parties or potlucks are usually composed of a family gathering at some house and chilling for the next few hours or so. Sounds cool right? Well let me tell you the usual behind the scenes during my family gatherings, the women are usually holed up in the kitchen doing God's work, multitasking like jugglers at a circus. Some cooking, some feeding their kids, some making tea, some washing and preparing glass dishes for dinner. All while the men are holed up in the King's throne room part of the house, usually the most lavish area of the house, it is either a living room, a furnished basement, or a balcony of warm summers. Sometimes, if the men are feeling charitable, the barbeque the meat the women prepared. Other times, most of the time, they are lounging about on mattresses and embroidered pillows, snacking on a variety of chocolates, nuts, and dried fruit, with teapots filled to the brim with hot tea and young girls serving them full glasses of tea they poured. Sometimes, the young girls are pardoned and the young boys are sent to serve the men because the men had probably been indulging in alcohol. At which, it wouldn't be good to send girls to serve drunk men. If you're a visual person, there is a short film by the name of Juice, by the youtube channel LargeShortFilms.

The story encompasses the picture I'm trying to paint by literally showing you what the scenery is. My point is, why does such an absurd abnormality exist in such natural circumstances. This partition, of men and women in different parts of the house, is unfair, unjust, and abnormal. Gender roles and patriarchy is a man-made concept, God did not send Eve to Adam to do his bidding, they were meant to be equals, companions in Paradise. Since when did companionship devolve into servitude? And why do we consider it so natural to the point that we don't even notice the injustice, let alone fight it. Houses are not divided up by gender, if both a woman and a man can enter and share the same bedroom then the same applies to the whole house. Rooms don't have genders so why is the kitchen synonymous with female and the bedroom with male.

It seems logical right, what I’m trying to say. But this logic is lost on the minds of the convinced. How do you tell people they are wrong down to their fundamental beliefs? Especially when they’re not willing to listen. Well, you can’t. That’s the truth that you have to be okay with. The same laws that protect your beliefs and values also protect their’s, no matter how wrong they are. What you can do though is change yourself. I was the young girl who was a part of that social circus. I had to serve the tea in chinaware. At first I thought I was being a good daughter by helping out, but noticing my brother and my male cousins do nothing while I helped was unfair to me. I changed myself. I stopped complying, and I began teaching the younger guys in my house, who were still young to learn, what it was like to help around with the other young girls. It’s a small step, but a necessary investment for the future. I hope this way, I won’t be one of the women in the kitchen someday while my brother is lounging on a mattress.

P.S. I'm a teensy bit pissed it took me 3 seconds to find the pic of a woman in a kitchen after searching for "kitchen" on Unsplash, and you have to scroll further down to find a guy. You see what I mean? -A/N