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What is "Sexy"?

by Cat Richey about a year ago in beauty

An exploration in redefining "Sexy"

What is "Sexy"?
Photo by Dainis Graveris on Unsplash

I recently went through a little stint where nothing I did made me feel "sexy" in the most feminine sense of the word. After being on a major weight loss journey, I gave in to all the negative thoughts I had about my body and spiraled. Night after night, I'd ask my fiancé if I was "sexy enough" for him. How could I be "sexy enough" for him? And every time I'd ask, he'd give me the same little roundabout answer: "You're pretty, and that's enough for me."

But here's the thing: Pretty does not mean Sexy. A pretty girl can smile and get doors opened for her, but a sexy girl... She's the girl that's in her boudoir, getting it on with her date before they've even left to go catch a movie. Sure, a Pretty girl can be Sexy, just like a Sexy girl can be Pretty... But they are not the same. And that's something I found myself getting caught up on. The differences between the two. So I looked up the bare bones definition for both:

  • Pretty - attractive in a delicate way without being truly beautiful or handsome.
  • Sexy - sexually attractive or exciting.

Alright. That checks out, right? So how does one make herself feel Sexy and not just Pretty (nothing wrong with that, by the way)? Personally, I try to get that validation from my partner. Bless my fiancé's soul for putting up with me...! But I did have to learn the hard way that relying on other's for my own personal validation was NOT a good idea. I learned, through my fiancé, that everyone has a different take on Sexy. What I found sexy, someone else wouldn't. That sort of deal. And, well, that left me hating my body for not being what I thought Sexy should be.

Which is where my problem was, all along.

You see, I was taught some rather old-school beliefs on what was Sexy: a slim waist, demure behaviors, wide hips, pouty lips, a thigh gap... And of all those things I was taught, I thought myself to only have 2 of those down; pouty lips and demure behaviors. The rest of me... Well, I never found the rest of me to be appealing. In any sense. It took breaking down several times in front of my fiancé for me to realize how wrong I was taught. Sure, those things may very well be conventionally Sexy, but they most certainly weren't exclusive to being Sexy.

Sexy is a mindset, I've come to learn. If you believe yourself to be Sexy, then you are Sexy. To be Sexy is to exude sexual confidence in yourself. It doesn't matter your size, shape, or anything physical... It only matters about how you carry yourself and whether or not you truly believe in yourself. It's not always easy to get into that Sexy state of mind, but if you're like me and wondering what you can do to at least feel Sexy, it's worth trying the following:

  1. Don't be afraid of the Mirror. Sure, the mirror can lie sometimes, but if you can learn to love your reflection even through the deceit, it's a damn good start on getting that Sexy mindset.
  2. Repeat little mantras to yourself. It's going to feel weird at first, especially if you've never done it before, but repeating stuff like "I am powerful, sexy, and a damn good catch" genuinely helps to internalize that, hey, you are Sexy. Go get 'em!
  3. Find clothes that flatter your shape. Wearing clothes that make you feel confident can go MILES for the Sexy mindset. Confidence is always key, and if you feel like your clothes are showing off your best, you're going to exude that sweet, Sexy confidence.
  4. Be Healthy!! This is probably the most important, because being healthy is literally the most Sexy thing anyone can do! A healthy diet and an active lifestyle work wonders for the mind, and honestly? Ever since I started actively choosing healthier foods and regularly exercising, I've felt far more confident in my body. Plus, you'll live longer, so you can exude Sexy no matter what age!

That's all the tips I have for the time being, as I'm still personally trying to redefine "Sexy" for myself... But I hope these are able to help you feel like you're more like you at least can be Sexy. Because really? Everyone can be Sexy. It's just a matter of believing ourselves to be.

Thank you for reading and please be sure to leave a like or even share this if it helped you!


Cat Richey

Hi! My name is Cat. I plan to post stories once a week and the occasional poem. I live in beautiful North Carolina (moved here from Texas), will be 25 in January, am a proud pet-mom to a kitty named Chai and a gentle giant of a dog, Dakota.

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