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Up -Side/Down

Burns, scars and bad boys with guitars. That’s what baddies yearn for. “Pimp slapped backwards and left stranded”-Eminem.

Up -Side/Down
Jaded, Faded, and Hated

It’s crazy to look over at the man you once loved, and know that he’s about to kill you. To think of how many times you’ve laid there at night, sleeping, while he watches over you and plots your demise. I wish this was the first, and pray to the Gods that it’s the last time I’m ever within an inch my life, from this crazy repeat cycle of endless battery and relentless savagery. They say that it must be what I want, that I choose these monsters, or that I bring it out in them. Maybe it’s my own demons haunting me, possessing every poor soul that ever gets comfortable enough to stay. Maybe.

On this particular night I felt..well I’ve never quite experienced anything like it. It was a range of every emotion you don’t want to feel crammed into one sadistic escapade of a night. This May long we were heading out to the cabin, but I didn’t know it before it was too late. Doing a buck sixty on the gravel road fishtailing back and forth. Listening to this psycho banter on and on.

“Look what you made me do?!”

(Out of breath, panting hard, his eyes widened with excitement)

“F#[€!! That was soooo bad!! Why did you make me do that?!!

“This is so bad!!”

My hearts nearly beating out of my chest,

“Nooo, this is fine. It wasn’t that bad. No one even noticed.” I persist.

“We hit a f###ing parked truck ! Why were you screaming?!!” He looked so scared and so confused.

I knew his mental health was slipping, months went by and everyday it proceeded. I tried to leave him a few times before this. I knew something in him changed.

I could feel the darkness in him stirring up ever since we got back to this dreadful place. The one place that I knew would bring along our falling out, and a one sure shot to get us thrown back in jail. Was that his plan all along?

Whenever I meet someone that tries to kill me within the first year of us being together or seeing each other, I often wonder if they were just paid to get it done.

Is that a normal thought? Someone somewhere is throwing away tons of money just to ensure my end.

Some of you must be thinking, that’s just crazy!! But if you were in my past, you’d know it doesn’t seem so unlikely of a thing to happen. People drive off cliffs everyday.

relationships
Read next: The State
Sasha Stimson
See all posts by Sasha Stimson