To the Women in my life...

Growing up I was blessed to have met this woman while ”working” (the only way a 12/13-year-old could work, by volunteering) in the church nursery during Vacation Bible School. I absolutely fell in love with her infectious upbeat and positive attitude as well as her passion and love for her FAMILY. I babysat for her family for years, but it became more than ”babysitting”. I was blessed with parents who encouraged me to learn with others while they monitored (overprotectively). To this day, I strive to impact a girl’s life in a comparable manner knowing the difference Mrs. Krieg (I don't know why, but I still can't call her by her first name, weird) made in my life. I always thought that this was my purpose. When Brian and I learned that I could not carry a pregnancy, I thought I had lost my purpose. This was so hard for me because of the examples set in front of me. I always wanted to be a great mother, like those I saw growing up. If you were friends with my parents, worked alongside my parents, or were our neighbors... If you had a child who played sports with myself or my brothers (I am so sorry, you probably cringed seeing me show up... I was horrible)... If you went to church with us, if you cut our hair or taught my brother Karate, the parents, mothers, and women who I watched from the passenger seat of our (mostly) minivan, you significantly impacted my desire to be a parent, a mother... Most of you, I still call Mrs. and Mr. (Mrs. Warden, Mrs. Ritchie, Mrs. Carney, Mr. Howard, Craig, Kathy, Mrs. McGlothin, Mr. Sadler and SO MANY more), but all of you inspired me. You showed me what kind of a mom and adult I wanted to be. Most of you probably didn't even know that my nosey nature was watching and remembering.

My family proudly watched. Grandma and Grandpa drove hours, round trip, from Anderson on a Wednesday evening after work for a game or concert or anything at all to be active in our childhood. I had the very best childhood until I started making decisions. Then I started to mess them all up. At the beginning of this time, I had Mrs. Krieg is a role model. She was, in my eyes, perfect. She had everything I wanted including the picket fence! She also had cancer, breast cancer. I wish I had been a good friend for her, even a good person, but I wasn't. I was a self-involved, selfish teenager and I will always regret my thoughts, views, and actions. I wasn't ”that bad”, but I wasn't ”that good” either. I strive to be better than my young self and I thought I could do this by making a difference in a young girl’s life. I don't know why I am here today and she is not (other than science), I question this often. I watch my husband who is, in my eyes, always good. Brian KNOWS who he is, I am constantly wondering who I am meant to be. Cancer hasn't defined who I am because I am still as lost as ever. However, cancer has allowed me to see things differently. I am so grateful for this opportunity and ”2nd chance”. I hope that this will be the last 2nd chance I need to do and be ”good”. After all, I have been blessed to watch the best in action.