To the Women in My Life

I LOVE female relationships. I love sleepover rituals of face masks & Love Island reruns, the unspoken solidarity of passing a tampon to a girl in a pub toilet.

I often sit yearning for more girlfriends in my life to embark on these feminine traditions with, but I admit that I am sheepish & do not partake in the dance of socialising very easily.

When I came out as bisexual, I found a lot of my friends struggled with the idea of being around someone who may or may not find them sexually/physically attractive. Admittedly, we were 13 and foolish, and our opinions around sex and sexuality had yet to fully form into a genuine consensus yet. However, being vocally chastised every day eventually made me fear girls. I would sit the in the toilets for an hour during PE instead of participating, because I was afraid of the bullets of accusations haphazardly being shot at me. I was furious and fell into the trap of slyly chipping away at any girl I met for the rest of my school years. That’s not to say that my anger wasn’t valid, but women weren’t the enemy.

In my later teenage years & early twenties, my bonds with women brewed into a healthy broth of love & mutual understanding. I flourished among them and because of this, I was able to unpack my three-piece suit of baggage related to homophobia, and enjoy experimenting with women, fall in love with them and allow myself to pursue platonic, fantastic friendships with them without fear of ridicule. I witnessed women be utterly destroyed by bitter divorce & somehow still get up and make a sensible, fibre packed breakfast in the morning. I watched them get black out pissed & fall asleep on park benches. I watched them laugh at each other and scream in the faces of men who attempted to slog an oafish arm around them at the taxi rank. Whatever seemed to be happening in their lives, they had this aura of safety emblazoned around them like a glowing beacon, and I was a faithful moth.

Throughout my devastating lows & my soaring highs, my mistakes and my successes, my relationships with women have always stood the test of time. My sister, the ultimate powerhouse of self preservation. She is that cheerful dandelion that always erupts through the concrete. My gran is my soulmate, my kindred spirit, everything I have ever wanted & will continue to want from a human being. My mum continues to leave me in awe of her unwavering strength & perseverance.

Women, regardless of their relationship to me or lack thereof, create cataclysmic booms within me that render me passionate and driven.

Both historically and presently, we are sold into underage marriage, we are given prison sentences for suffering miscarriages, we are underpaid & dying from treatable illnesses in refugee camps. My point being, it is our birthright to be marginalised, and it’s witnessing women across the world rise & fall with the ever changing ebb of patriarchal standards that makes me so appreciative of the women I have the privilege to know and love.