To The Glorious Women who have Inspired Me
Following in her footsteps
For the longest time I searched for safety, as a child and young adult I was to busy just trying to survive the internal, spiritual and intellectual damage that had been done to me as a result of an abundance of abuse.
In my early adult years I, all to often went for the worse fella in the room in hopes of being rescued, I was in sheer survival mode until I was 34 doing the best I can.
It wasn't until I was more grown up and had a substantial amount of therapy that I started noticing inspiration and the thought of seeking it out. I think the first person I felt inspired by was a social worker named Ronnee, she looked like she was out of the sixties, if you know what I mean. I remember the first day we met and she said to me that she didn't have a lot of experience working with people like me. Back then I was a smart ass and thought I'd teach her a lesson, so on my next appointment I showed up late and she put me in my place with such ease and grace, she had me wait in the hallway for about the same amount of time I was late. From that point on your relationship had been solidified. She became my anchor, my safety net and taught me how to own my own story, how to be my own best friend and that trust isn't about others but more so about trusting my abilities. She walked by my side and protected me. She made it possible for me to own my own story and to move onto another chapter. I learned so Much from her, that I wrote a one woman show in dedication to her. That women will always have a place in my heart. And that lesson I was initially gonna teach her, remained a slight embarrassment on my part because I'm the one who benefited and learned a slew life lessons and healing.
It's funny the first thirty-four years of my life were birthed in the underbelly of society where the ugliest of ugly thrives. In fact my daughter said my life was what horror movie are based on, I was a victim of human trafficking from a very early age, which lead to drugs and street life along with a few homegrown issues of mental health. But when I turned the corner in my thirties I have been blessed, I witnessed and still witness so much inspiration all around me.
There are so many things I'm inspired by from random acts of kindness, decency, to ant colonies, butterflies transforming and taking flight, resilient and fierce. I was blessed to see Maya Angelou speak, sharing her wisdom and story. I walked away, thinking we should never underestimate someone's ability to shine. I have a great fear of becoming dependant, maybe as a result of years of addiction. I love looking to others for inspiration but one I think also needs to learn to look inwards for inspiration. We need to learn how to inspire ourselves and in order for me to have learned that I first needed to be open and willing to dig, sometimes digging deep. What kind of woman do I want to be, I wanna be the kind that inspires as a result I then need to act and do, as we all do the best we can do.
Some of what has transpired between victim and beyond survivor, was an openness to receiving help, a safe practice ground, honesty as to what I was and am feeling brings a connection to others, a push to step up to the plate and I get very uncomfortable when I'm to comfortable as I tend to lean towards complacency. I am one who loves to grow, to push my own boundaries, to thrive with connecting and making a difference in this world but I would be none of this without the inspiration of Ronnee and all that follows, I will always be grateful to the amazing women that crossed my path in this life and all those who came before me, that made it possible for me to have the freedom and rights I have today, that we all have.