Time Apart

It's literally been a day. One whole day, two nights. With six more to go.

Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for you. Traveling is something you've always liked to do, and it's only thanks to me that you found your love for the ocean in the first place, so I truly only have myself to blame that you took the opportunity to go on this trip at all.

I wish you were having a better time. I know you miss us, me and the girls. And we miss you too. But we also want to hear about all the awesome things you did while you were gone. We hope you can do your best to have a good time, even though it isn't exactly what you thought it was going to be. You should always try to look on the bright side and make the most of circumstances.

Honestly, I knew before you left that I would handle this better than you. I think we both did. Sleeping alone never bothered me, being alone never bothered me at all, really. And yet, I find myself lost in this house without you here. It isn't so much heart breaking as it is strange. I know you're coming back, so I'm not crushed. There's just a space in the house that you filled that's empty right now. It's throwing things off.

I barely eat throughout the day while the kids are in school. And running errands is nowhere near as fun by myself. I clean the house and reorganize things until I'm left with nothing to do. I could play video games, but there's no one to laugh at all the stupid things I do in them. I could edit pictures, but I can't show them to you once I'm done. I could hang out with my friends, but most of them are busy during the day. At least I'll have the new job to keep me busy soon.

Nights are the worst though. Only grabbing three plates instead of four, sitting at the coffee table by myself while I eat. You know I always hated to eat alone. The kids are in the next room, but it still feels lonely. Showering alone is strange anymore, after showering with you for almost three years, though it is nice to not have the water scalding me, I have to say that.

Sleeping, though. That's barely happened the last two nights. I stay up talking to you until you tell me you're going to sleep, since your phone only really works at night when you have wi-fi. I forget to take my pills, or maybe I don't take them so I don't fall asleep on you, I'm not sure. I'm up almost all night tossing and turning, trying to get comfortable. I've slept in the same position for three years now, wrapped up in another person. Something I never thought I'd enjoy again, and now it seems I can't sleep without it.

I've always known I've loved you. Since the very first day we spoke. I just knew. Something in me knew. Being without you for even just a day has shown me just how much. I can't imagine how the next six days are going to be. I can only hope it'll get easier, but I feel as though it won't. And if this is what a day without you feels like, I can't imagine what it would feel like if I lost you, or if I never met you at all. What sort of sad life I'd be living without even knowing it.

I love you. Always. Have an amazing time, do amazing things, then come home and tell me all about it.