Throwing Stones

Millie Bobby Brown (Eleven from Stranger Things) talks on Instagram

I don't know about you but at the moment, I am constantly questioning people's motivations for things. Is it a state of the world thing? Maybe. I think that it is also to do with a recent surge in my consumption of videos in the last couple of days after the debacle in the Oval Office. But that's another story.

In an attempt to look outwards and find evidence that the world is not going to hell in a hand-basket, I have been exploring social media and as usual, the things that land in my feed are subjects that the algorithm believes I'll be interested in. Generally, it's right but a lot of it is dross and I scroll on by.

However, there is the odd one or two that make me stop, even if I'm not aware of the person involved or the context of the comment or reel. It was actually this post shared by another that caught my attention:

She's got a point, hasn't she? And what I like is that she's not afraid to confront her critics, naming the sources of the insults against her. I have a great deal of respect for Millie Bobby Brown, for doing this.

She shouldn't have to, of course.

It made me thoughtful and angry and sad; a strange cocktail of emotions but one which I am experiencing a lot and it is no 'Motional Mojito, I can tell you.

So, let's think about what Millie is saying.

We do judge on appearances and none of us can deny that. We are all drawn to beauty, style, a well-presented person. Our judgement may not be to the same degree but I think that when we lay eyes on someone, our brain takes in that information, processes it and how we perceive that image of someone is based on what we know, have learned, our values - whatever. I'm no psychologist, don't pretend to be but I am an observer of humans as part of the species and have a fair amount of learned experience and discussion to draw on.

For Millie Bobby Brown, it's not necessarily beauty or lack of it which is being targeted in her case, although it's implied in the fact that she is being criticised for her image choices. What is interesting about her argument is that "people" are expecting her to remain the same: the public, fans, media - whoever - have this idea of her and they are not happy that she is trying to stray outside of the box in which she has firmly been placed and as a result of her audacity, she is now fair game for anyone to poke.

There is an argument to say that if you court a life in the public eye, you have to accept that you will be a target but to what extent is this allowed before it verges on bullying? And why is that accepted? What fuels the need to target celebrities?

Millie Bobby Brown cites multiple examples of "journalists" who have written about the way she looks, none of the articles about her talent or projects. They're all about her appearance and they are all disparaging in some way.

Is this what we as the public want? To see stars brought down? To find scandal in the lives of people we have to entertain us?

Or is this solely a woman thing?

As a woman who is slowly drying up, crisping nicely as I head towards my senior years, I find this baffling. Millie must be in her twenties and looks pretty good to me. Maybe she's starting to look different to the girl she once was but as she says, she's an adult now. Jibes about her appearance seem to me to be an attempt to make fun of Millie but for what purpose?

In addition, Millie is keen to point out that some of her staunchest critics are women and she criticises them for their lack of support, quite rightly. Why have these women chosen to disparage her?

I'm trying to get my head around this, can you tell? The use of rhetorical questions should lead you to this. Because I don't like to undermine; I like to support. I don't like to tear at people; I like to put my arm around their shoulder and bring them forward or with me. I don't resent people's success; I rejoice in it.

But then I'm secure in my own skin. I also don't have people examining me daily with a view as to what I should be doing with it.

So, I think my point is this: do we throw stones at others who are more successful than us because this stems from our own insecurities? Is it envy that makes us want to bring others down? Is this human nature?

And the coup de grace: are we all bullies at heart?

I can't say that I have never looked at a paparazzi photo of a celebrity in a compromising position or looking dog rough. I'm not seeking it out but I have cast a guilty gaze over stars without make-up or them pictured in their lounge wear, getting a pint of milk.

If I'm not an eager consumer of this and I'm seeing it, then there must be a market for it.

Do we get more of a thrill from seeing people lose? Is it easier to lower people than to raise them up? Is it competition? Is it fear of something, innately programmed into us? Are we all built to love scandal?

I just don't know and this is going to puzzle me long beyond the end of this article.

And finally, do women have a duty to other women to provide solidarity in the face of this sort of targeted criticism?

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To end, let's return to Millie and her closing statement and just absorb that because it's salient and astute and should be followed, not just for young girls but for the whole of humanity:

Let's do better. Not just for me but for every young girl who deserves to grow up without fear of being torn apart simply for existing.

Journalists of any kind should take note. And fellow humans. It costs nothing to be kind. Nothing at all. For some, it might not be as satisfying to pay a compliment as it is to wound someone but there is power and strength in being positive, more so than character or appearance assassination.

Like Millie says, let's do better.

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As a postscript, I'd just like to point you to this Top Story from S.A. Crawford too, which sort of ties to this and is worth a read as it is really well-written: