#metoo
#metoo

There's a Place for Your Kind of Love... Prison

Some 'Men' and Their Disgusting Ways

There's a Place for Your Kind of Love... Prison

Four years of age and not knowing quite what life is all about, playing with toys, and being happy as can be, so far. Well, at quite a young age, I was being looked after by one of my parents good friends while they were at work and my old brother at school. Nice family, lovely woman and man with a few much older kids than I, with one being in a wheelchair due to having meningitis. I became quite good friends with one of their daughters, but being a wee girl, I was quite taken back by their son, as many young females are at the age of four. Their son was quite a few years older than I, possibly 10 years older. Everyday Monday to Friday, only for just a few hours, while my parents go to work, I'd go to this other family's house. At a very young age of 5-years-old, I started to realise something REALLY wasn't right with their son...

I didn't feel safe being alone in the same room as this man, felt scared, and uncomfortable, but there was no need to be scared of him... Yet. As their son became 16, he could stay in the house himself. The family had popped to the shops and left me with their son only for an hour or less. I remember going to the kitchen to get myself a juice and, as I turned round, their son was behind me.

Being quite a young age, there's nothing wrong with a child wanting a cuddle or receiving one when someone asks. Their son had asked me if he could have a cuddle and I thought nothing of it, at the time, so I gave him one. Little did I know that one hug was the thing that would destroy my childhood. I was sexually touched at the age of 5 by this so called "man." Only being aged five, I knew it was wrong what he was doing, although I didn't know what he was doing, though, but I just knew it was a bad thing to do. I screamed, I cried, and no one answered me. No one came to my rescue. Now their son was 10 years older than I was; it wasn't as if I could fight him off and I know this is bad, but because I couldn't escape from what this disgusting "man" was doing, I guess all I could do was let it happen. I have regretted it ever since.

Thinking to myself he wouldn't do that ever again, I was completely wrong! I wanted to tell my mummy or daddy or even his, but where to start? How do I tell them? Would they believe me? I didn't tell them, as I didn't know how and as I didn't even know what it was he did to me at that age I was. It kept happening. Each time when his parents left the house, leaving me with him for maybe just an hour. Each time I screamed and each time no one could hear me. Frightened and shivering with fear, al I could do is let it happen and scream. All I would think of myself is what a coward I am! What if he's doing this to other girls?!

It continued for quite a few years later. I couldn't tell anyone. Kept telling me, if I told anyone, he would do even more unspeakable things to me. At this point, I was 12-years-old; it had been about 2-3 years since last time I had seen him or his parents, which I was very glad of. I had never ever told anyone this story until I opened up to my best friend I made in high school. It was so comforting to get it off my chest for the very first time, but it didn't make the memories go away. This so called "man" had been in and out of prison since the age of 17, he is now 36.

Their son ruined my childhood. I am 23-years-old now, so that had been most of my life. Scared each time I had got into a new relationship, thinking to myself "If he done that to me, what's stopping this man from doing the same thing?" I had to stop thinking about that or I would never be able to let anyone else in. To love someone and to be loved back. Turns out when I was 16 that I found out he'd done that same thing to his OWN sisters! Cousins as well. How disgusting is that? Is your brother not meant to protect you? Not in his case, by the sounds of it.

If you are reading this, please don't be afraid to send a message.

Love Maz.

relationships
Read next: The State
Marianne McGarry

23 year's old. From Scotland. Loving life with partner and our baby boy ❤

See all posts by Marianne McGarry