The Story Behind the "Dark Forest"

Excerpt from my poem "Dark Forest"

"Fifteen years of age

Five years ago

I walked alone at the Stewartstown Park

Little, did I know I'm not supposed to go to the dark forest"

I was 14 years old when I met my abuser. I was a young freshman in high school and he was a senior in high school (at the time I didn't know he was a senior). We saw each other at the bus stop, laying eyes I never said a word to him nor did I ever look at his way. He would somewhat smile at me and say "hi" and I would wave "hi" back at him. Then he approaches me saying how pretty I was and what I do during my free time. I did respond but I was kind of confused about how he approached me even though guys in my freshmen year of high school never noticed me except my first boyfriend William and him. During May 2010, I barely see him during school but I didn't care to see him but a little part of me wanted to see him again. The first time we saw each other again was on Facebook in 2010 (when I was starting my sophomore year of high school). We talked on Facebook then he asked for my number.

His Facebook personal page goes by the name "Too Much"

Facebook Messages (September 21, 2010)

After our conversation on the phone, we agreed to meet at Stewartstown Park which was right next door to where I used to live. It was on October 5th before my 15th birthday, we met at Stewartstown Park at the basketball court. He started to touch me sexually when I tried to keep his hands away from my private area. He continued touching where he's not supposed to touch. At first, I was uncomfortable with the way he touched me but I had to get used to it, we didn't go farther so he decided to take things slow. We kissed each other and then he kissed my neck. I was relaxed but confused at the same time because I never thought of being linked to an older guy.

We met again at the same park when I already turned 15, this time he wanted to penetrate me and try anal sex just so I don't lose my virginity (Oh, I was an innocent virgin when I met him.) I did resist because I wasn't ready for sex. At the time I didn't think of myself as a minor at the time would even have sex with a guy that's older than me. When I'm at school, I would overhear my classmates say how weird it is for underage girls dating or sleeping with older guys or some would just joke about it even bringing up the word "rape". I would just shrug it off, joke with them, say "that's not gonna be me". What an idiot I was!!!!!

I tried to contact him but he said he won't hang out with me unless I give him anal sex so I thought for a few days and messaged him that I will do it. We met again at the same park but this time inside the forest. He wanted to position but I kind of resisted. He walked away for a minute until I finally let him come through. He takes me to a secluded dark area bends me over putting me in a doggy position. And it happened. It continued until he wanted to actually have real sex. He promised me I would stay a virgin but he didn't want me to stay a virgin forever. Again, I was 15. Thinking about what I had done I don't know what I was thinking at all. It came to my young mind to question.

Did I do this because I wanted a relationship with him? or Did I do this to please him?

I guess my young mind wasn't thinking clearly. I gave it a thought. I agreed to let him take my virginity (like really have sex with me). We continued having sex more than four times. After that, he said he wanted nothing to do with me then he continued his relationship with his girlfriend. As emotional as I was, I felt like I was robbed by this stranger because of the way he acted. He left me in the forest all by myself until I went home in tears. My sister found me in my room crying my eyes out. She asked me, "What's wrong?" I said nothing to her. She went told mom that I was in my room crying. My mom storms and barge into my room started screaming, "WHAT'S THE MATTER???" I just kept crying and said nothing. I was afraid, to be honest with her but I could tell she was concerned about why I said nothing.

Until she said, "Have you had sex?" I couldn't lie. I said yes. My mother was in shock until she asked me who the boy was. I didn't want to say until he called on my phone I didn't answer until my mom took the phone and answered the phone.

"Hello?," My mother said. He answered back.

My mother asked, “Who are you?"

Instead of telling him his real name, he used a woman's name "Jennifer". My mother wasn't buying it. She said, "Young man, do not play games with me!"

Click! He hangs up.

She didn't know what to do so she had to ask my grandmother, her co-worker, and my school counselor. All recommended reporting the incident to the police. When we went to the police station and sat with a police officer. The officer was a good listener when I told him everything about what happened with me and my abuser with my mother as my witness.

Police Officer wanted to press charges against him for sexual assault but he said it was my decision to decide if I want to press charges on him or give him a warning. I grew concerned about it, a part of me wanted to put him in jail but most is saying let him go because I felt like I put myself through this situation (pretty much I blamed myself) and I was afraid of his families and friends coming for me. Two weeks after I reported the incident to the police and I refused charges on him, we stopped communicating and unfriended each other on Facebook. Four years later, I had made changes since that incident I have been going through therapy, made it as an essay state winner, and developed new relationships. Everything was going so well until he texted me again in 2013, I was a senior at high school and was in a relationship with Xavier's father (before I was pregnant). I got a message from this random number. At first, I thought it was from one of my good friends messaging me with a new number but it wasn't.

It was him.

Text Messages from my abuser (May 29, 2013)

After he messaged me, I responded by telling him I don't want anything with him and threaten him with the police. So he stopped messaging me and I never heard from him again. Now at 25 years of age, almost ten years since the incident, my abuser is enjoying his freedom while I am here hurt from my past with him.

To all the sexual assault victims

My message to all my women who were attacked I understand what it feels like. Don't be scared! You are not alone! Nobody deserves to be raped. As for young people who use social media, be careful who you deal with on social media whether you know the person or not.

My Poem "Dark Forest"