The Bi Life: Coming Out as Bisexual

As a young teen I was very shy, that student in the class that would go bright red if her name was called, and the one that always knew what work we needed to do. I was quiet, awkward, and anxious, always had a head full of thoughts, but said barely any of it. That is far from who I am now.

When I was about 12 my sexuality journey began, I’d hit puberty (though at 20 I'm still waiting for my boobs to be told) and I had started to notice my attractions towards others. I found that when looking at others in terms of sexual/romantic attraction there was no differentiation between the two main genders—I would see a guy and say "damn he's hot" and then I'd see a girl and say "damn SHE'S hot." This didn’t really seem odd to me, my female friends would mention a girl being pretty or cute, as well as getting giggly when we went past a cute boy, so I never gave it much thought.

At that age I was so focused on controlling everything, and having friends that wouldn’t leave me (like I said—I was very anxious as a young teen) that I just went along with what they said. However, after a while I realized that when they were talking about a girl being attractive, they spoke out of envy of wanting to look like them, when they said a guy was attractive, it was because they wanted to kiss them. My young mind was so busy wanting to make friendships, and find my place without standing out, that I genuinely just thought ‘that’s a problem for future me.’

Over the next couple years I told no one, leaving researching lesbians, sexuality, and lesbian sex as a late night, earphones in, activity. I had boyfriends, and focused on being the good girlfriend to them, leaving my same-sex thoughts to my 'future me.'

It wasn't up until I was 16 that I was single for a while, I was still the shy girl, but I reached this point where something changed in me almost overnight. I started being aware of my mental health and well-being, I started to take notice of the fact every parents-teachers evening I'd be told, "she just needs to be more confident." So I finally started listening.

I took the time to think about myself; I wanted to become an individual, rather than part of the wallpaper. This made me realize that inside there was something I was hiding even from myself. I started to take note of my body and feelings, my routines, and activities, trying to make sense of the person I was becoming, separate from anyone else.

I had one friend that was bisexual, and he was the first person to mention this word to me, there was no representation in the media, and it was never taught in school, you were either gay or straight, and that was it. So when I heard this word I felt a connection to it, not really knowing why. I started speaking to a girl that was very openly gay, and I voiced my concerns to her, the first time I mentioned this idea that I don’t think I was straight. The girl directed me to some YouTubers that were part of the LGBT+ community, and this opened me up to a completely hidden world I knew very little about, I started watching (by that I mean I became obsessed with... like seriously, my recommendations are so gay) the coming out stories, seeing the dynamics in same sex couples (Rose & Rosie are my life) and this led me to further explore what others experiences were, thus I realized I had experienced similar feelings.

Once I labelled myself as Bisexual it opened me up to become myself for the first time, however soon after labelling myself it became a constant thought in my head and I suddenly felt like I was betraying my friends, who had told me everything about themselves, yet I was holding this important information in me that they knew nothing about. So, to move past this I felt it was only right that I came out to these people.

The first person I told was my bisexual friend when I was in a drunken state, hoping since he shared the same sexuality that he would be the easiest person to tell. Once I spoke the words I felt a rush of relief, the title had truly become mine and I had someone who knew it too. The way in which my friend reacted (he literally just went "yeah, so?") also helped me realize for the first time that it was okay, it was normal to feel this way.

I then went on to tell my friends who were supportive and acted the same as they always had with me, even more so they felt closer to me (thus was the start of many bi jokes). This made me, for the first time, feel I had a group of people I belonged with, I could be unapologetically myself with them, without judgement.

Because of this reassurance, I began to change how I dressed, I started speaking up, I smiled more, made people laugh more, and started letting go. I began to feel confident in myself, I could show my whole self in a safe place, this was only more enforced when I told my family.

My parents have always been my best friends, they always knew how to read me, and what I was feeling. However, from other experiences, I feared they would not understand this part of me, and telling them I was bisexual would create a barrier between us, because it was a part of me that may not be able to understand. I first told my mum, she always knew about my relationships and at the time I had started dating a girl, so it was becoming more and more difficult to hide it from her. I felt a lot of anxiety before telling her, my hands were shaking, my eyes out of focus, I did not know how to put it in words, that would let her know that this was part of me that cannot be changed or ignored and I needed her to support me with it. I was scared that by telling her, my openness and thus my support system would break down, and I would be alone. However when I told her, I was given support and love, my mum asked questions, which allowed her to understand it enough to keep that openness and support system she had with me. I felt safe and secure with the knowledge of my full self.

Telling my dad was more scary, he holds a black and white vision, breaking things down simply in his brain. As expected, he was unsettled when I told him, not being able to understand it, and I was worried the barrier would still form, but again, with time, he became able to support me with it. So coming out to him, and him struggling understand me, meant I felt more of the need to talk about it, thus I became more and more set in my sexuality and confident with it too.

I was able to hold a girls hand in public, wear the less mainstream clothes that I’d always wanted, I felt good about myself for the first time. I was embracing my whole self and looking forward to my next step, rather than treading on eggshells to fit everyone’s expectations. I became happier in general and this allowed me to release all the tension built up from years of oppressing myself out of fear of what others may think.

I'm now incredibly proud of my bisexuality, I'm lucky enough to have a wonderful partner and I'm no longer the anxious girl in the corner—I'm now the quirky, open, beanie girl that I always was inside.