No this is not a dog, but a person. A person I don't speak of often because to speak of him is almost like giving him power over me. I was, in all honesty, almost prepared to never have to speak of him ever again, until I started to fear for a friend.
It is your 17th birthday. Everything is going to change within a year. In the next year, you will begin your adult life. Everything is going to change Valentine's Day of 2015. You will agree to work a weekend at that stupid Italian restaurant with Megan. This is when things begin to change, you think it's for the better, but I wish I could have warned you.
Kids. Kids are all we were. What would a child know about love? What could a child know about love after feeling nothing but resentment all her caged up life? She didn't know, and she had no one to guide her and that's how she ended up in the hands of a 15-year-old monster.
Junior high is usually a time when the work gets harder and lifelong memories are made. My year followed that path and also created my future. I will never forget this one warm sunny day as I attended lunch period with some friends. I was walking to my table with my then best friend Barbie when a note was thrown in my tray. Yes, a note. I was only 13 and at that time and notes still existed. After we sat down, I opened and began to read. It was a short sentence written in small print on whole sheet of paper. "Will you go out with me?" Those were the only words written besides a signature that read, "Josh Brooks." I sat there shocked and unsure why to say. I had no idea the guy liked me. He was loud, funny, and a rebel of the school. The next few days we hung out around school and eventually swapped numbers. I had begun to find out a new side of him that I never noticed before. He was shy and sweet while also being a gentleman. Once I got to know him, I fell pretty hard for him. He never made the first move, so I had no choice if I wanted things to go further. After four months of dating, we had our first kiss at a dance I begged him to go to.
It'd been a heck of a bad week. One week of mental turmoil as she tried to hide the truth from the world. To be honest, she wished that she could hide it from herself, but the blackened eyes looking back at her in the mirror didn't lie. He'd hit her. Only once, but it was enough.
My last year of high school was hell. I'd sugarcoat it, but that's exactly what it was. It is a story I tell in real life all the time in that joking way that makes people think you are fine. However, I think maybe writing it out, telling my truth as I saw it, may help me move on from that horrible year. You see, dear reader, that year is at the top of the list of things I have never truly gotten over. So many things I have yet to forgive myself for happened that year, and so many things I have yet to forgive others for.
"He's probably dead. You should be happy."
I have been the victim of narcissistic abuse my whole life in various forms: parent, partner, and even friends!
Every story begins with happy, rejoicing moments. With relationships, you start something new thinking this is the best thing to ever happen, thinking you know your partner, but in reality, every human being has their demons. Not knowing who your partner fully or truly is can be dangerous. When relationships start, it seems like it is a honeymoon phase for the first couple of months, meaning that everything seems perfect and nothing bad is ever going to happen to either of you. Until everything comes crashing down all at once.