relationships
Trace the link between feminism and relationships from outdated norms to modern conventions including chivalry, working mothers, splitting the bill and beyond.
Overcoming Domestic Violence
A few years ago, I started dating this guy. I had my eyes on him for a while. I thought he was everything I wanted. He treated me really well, for a really long time. But, one day, he stopped treating me so well. We were on my couch, my mom had run to the store to get some groceries, my little brother was asleep in the other room. He said something that upset me, and I decided I was going to the just sit there in silence for a minute, to really take in what had just said to me. I didn’t really want to talk him in that moment. He didn’t like that I wasn’t answering him when he was speaking to me, so he hit me in my arm, pretty hard. I had a bruise the next day. I asked him why he did that later on, and he told me I shouldn’t have ignored him and made him mad. He hit me on a few other occasions. However, one that really sticks out to me would be the time he did it in front of my friends. We were outside of the school, and he wanted to fight this other boy. I didn’t want him to though, because I didn’t want him to get suspended. So I tried to hug him, and reach up to kiss him. When I did, he grabbed me really hard and threw me to the ground. My very best friend and my other friend where there. I cried so hard, and almost immediately, my arm starting bruising where he had grabbed me. My friends just told me to come on, and they both walked me to the bus. As I said before, those weren’t the only two times it happened, but those are the times that stick out the most to me. The first time and the time my friends were there. He has hit me in my face on multiple occasions as well. Domestic violence is definitely something that’s really hard to go through. For me, I didn’t even really know why he was doing it to me. I loved him more than anything. I thought he was the love of my life. He not only hurt me physically, but emotionally as well. He made me feel useless, and he made me feel like it was always my fault, or that he wouldn’t have done it if I didn’t deserve it. He always came up with some reason why he had done it, and usually it was that I “deserved it.” Eventually after almost four years of dating, and around two years of abuse, he broke up with me. He cheated on me with a girl in middle school, and when I found out about it, he broke up with me. Today, I’m glad that he broke up with me. However, when it happened, I was broken, I was sad, and I felt like I would never be enough for anymore. I thought to myself, “You gave him everything you had to offer in the world, and you still weren’t enough for him, how could you be enough for anyone else?” I went into a really deep depression for a few months after he left. But, after those few months were over, I started to realize what I lost, but also what I gained. Sure, I may have lost what I thought was my “first love.” However, I also lost the abuse, I lost the hurt, I lost the pain, and I lost the bruises. In the end of it all, I gained strength and self-confidence. Strength came before self-confidence of course. I gained strength only a few months after realizing that the pain and bruises were gone for good. I knew that if I could stay strong through that much hurt, and I could have put up with it for as long as I did, than I could handle my own, and I could be strong. The day I realized I was strong was the day I started to stand up for myself. I stopped letting people walk all over me. I stopped letting people talk about me without ever saying anything back or defending myself. I stopped being weak. I stood strong. However, gaining self-confidence took a lot longer. He had put me down so much, that I didn’t see a lot of good in myself. I knew I was strong, but that was about it. He made fun of my looks, my weight, my height, and pretty much everything else. By the time the relationship was over, I didn’t see a lot of good in myself, I looked in the mirror and felt disgusted. Some days I would even cry because I felt so ugly. It took me about a year and a half to really even start to feel a little bit of self confidence. I met a guy, a guy that I am now engaged to. He started telling me every single day how beautiful I am. I almost pushed him away, because I didn’t believe anything he said. I thought he was only telling me those things, because it’s what I “wanted to hear.” However, it turns out that he really meant everything he said. So, the more he would tell me how beautiful I was, the more I began to see it. I would ask him, “What’s beautiful about me?” and he would say something like everything about you is beautiful, or well I love your eyes and your smile. He would just name different things about me that made me beautiful. My self-confidence really started to build up, and I really started to see the beauty in myself. Today, I am stronger than I have ever been. Today, I see that I am beautiful. Today, I see that I am good enough. And today, I don’t even shed a tear when I think about what happened to me. I thank him for it, because he hurt me, but he also made me strong. He made me self-confident. He made me realize my worth. Because of him, I am a wonderful, and beautiful person, and I truly see it now.
By Catherine Johnson6 years ago in Viva
Unhealthy Kinda Love
It's always a really hard thing, talking about abusive relationships. A lot of people try to hide it and just push it to the side. I know what it's like when you first meet your partner and you fall in love because of how amazing, funny, cute, and exploring they are. It's funny how they like to trap you in a box because you have that hope that, one day, they can actually change.
By Marlyn Torres6 years ago in Viva
He Never Laid a Finger on Me
Glen and I were high school sweethearts. I loved him and thought he was the best thing since sliced bread. I looked at him and often wondered how somebody like him could want to be with someone like me. I was this chubby, short, unpopular girl and to me, he was this slightly older, much cooler Adonis. Glen was very spoiled. If he wanted something specific for dinner, he'd get it. If he wanted a certain game system, even if they didn't have the money, he'd still have it. New guitar? Sure. Lessons to go with it? You betcha. His mom even did his laundry for him. He was very fortunate even though his family was NOT very well off. As you can imagine, he was used to getting his way and I fed into that immediately upon dating him.
By Moogle Macabre6 years ago in Viva
I Am Not a Victim
I am not a victim. I am not a scared little girl. I am not the person you pushed me to be. A long time ago, I was happy. It was easy to smile, to laugh, to make friends. Now, thanks to you, it's not. I loved easy. It was easy to love you. It was easy to pour my entire being into loving you. You made me smile. You told me I was beautiful. You supported me and lifted my spirits. Until you didn't. Until you broke them.
By Emily Jones6 years ago in Viva
What No One Tells You About Abusive Relationships
We started dating my senior year of high school and I instantly fell for him. He was charming, funny, polite, a true gentleman... or so I thought. It wasn't until about a month into our relationship when things changed for the worst. He started controlling every aspect of our relationship, what we would do on dates, where we would go, when I could hang out with friends and with who, he tried to control how I looked, and he attempted to tell me where I should go to college. That should've been when I ran, but for some reason I didn't, I chose to stay in an abusive relationship that would eventually drag me down.
By Abigail Sikora6 years ago in Viva
The Girl
A relationship with a significant other is never what it looks like in movies. There are always hard times. Sometimes it takes “reading between the lines” to see what is actually going on behind closed doors. In public settings they might seem happy. And one of the people in the relationship might actually be happy. Thinking that the other will never run away, they will never flea. Especially since she has a ring on her finger.
By Savannah Ferrell6 years ago in Viva
Signs That You're in an Abusive Relationship
Abuse comes in many different forms. It can be financial, emotional, physical, verbal and sexual. It's hard to see what an abuser looks like especially after the first couple of dates. Some people assume abusers have a look to them but this is not always the case. An abuser can come in all shapes, sizes, colors and backgrounds. The signs that someone is abusive are there, but they are hard to notice at first.
By Stormy Sky6 years ago in Viva
6 Things Women in Relationships Should Know About Money
I am a firm believer in being an independent woman. In a relationship or not, it is so important to be able to stand on your own two feet. I’ve gone through a series of horrible relationships, been single as fuck and married to my work, and I am now in a very comfortable and committed long term relationship (that I hope will be marked for forever).
By Samantha Bentley6 years ago in Viva
A More Complicated Butterfly
What makes a woman a woman? How does she know when she is separated from the girls? When is it okay to call her "hot" or "beautiful" instead of "cute" or "pretty"? Is it her age? When she gets her period or loses her virginity? Has she reached "womanhood" when she has to shave her legs? Maybe it's when she is treated like a woman instead of a girl? Maybe it's when she looks in the mirror and realizes it for herself? When she looks back on her life thus far, analyzing every scenario, hardship, and triumph, only to realize that she is no longer a little girl? Or, maybe it's not one of these things, but more than one? Or none of them at all? It all depends on the girl transforming into a woman. Girls are not caterpillars who spin their cocoons for a set amount of time to emerge a marvelous, transformed butterfly. We are much more complex than that. And I am no exception.
By Jennifer R6 years ago in Viva