Spirit of Hope

Dear you,

The sun is shining today and the wind is filled with a tinge of flourishing smell. It's spring! I remembered you used to play guessing game "Which season do you love most?" and your answer always was "winter". You said that because in a tropical country like Thailand, there is actually no such thing as winter.

Curious things season, because within its there always the unexpected rain in summer, the oddly bright sky in winter, the flower that still blooms in autumn.

"It is hope," you said "Hope in the middle" and I would look at you and smile...because it is true we human always dabble between the twos: black or white, wrong or right, past or future, near or far...

"Well you only need the light when it's burning low

Only miss the sun when it starts to snow

Only know you love her when you let her go"

You, you remind me of spring the between of summer and winter, the time when hope flourishes after the stillness, where nature shows its true color after went into hiding. Every minute moving toward its peak of summer and you murmured to me...

"The world is grey"

You open me up to the world of indefinite possibility "The in-between"

It isn't 'a struck in the middle of the road' or 'living a well-balanced life', per se. It's more like "Life itself" like when I asked you about falling in love, you said.

"We come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.”

Your soft whisper in my ears when I called you while I was sitting against a wall, crying my eyes out in front of my best friend room. I just discovered that she was dating my boyfriend.

"You are not just a boring plain girl, you are a good girl and "goodness" has value. The decision, to do good, to be kind, to stay compassionate in the face of all things the world throws at us - women - is what makes life worth living and not just for us but for every life we touch"

Goodness is priceless you said and so I picked myself off the cold floor and moved on with faith that I will love again.

As I went on a journey of transforming my goodness into greatness with UNHCR - United Nations High Commissioner of Refugee, trying to save lives and fail. I heard your encouragement urged me

"Pick up the battle take it up. It's yours. This is your life, this is your world. You make your own choices, you can decide life isn't worth living and that would be the worst thing you can do. How do you know, so far? Try it, so pick it up, pick up the battle and make it a better world from where you are"

It's your voice I heard when I pushed my car accelerator to it limited, hope to kill myself when it crashes. Instead, I hit a brake because I heard your voice in my head

"Help, I need help, give me help" you declared while you, yourself lay on a hospital bed after you overdosed. followed by your dark humor "I will never go to your funeral if you ever kill yourself, promise me you won't"

Well, I have a confession to make, I'm not as half as strong as you, I am quite frankly considered an embarrassment to your legacy if you know what I did or how I live my life...

As I'm recovering from my depression, my mind often drifted to your words of wisdom. I memorized from the back of a vintage postcard you sent to me as we are half a world away.

"I hope you live a life you're proud of like your name Proud, and if you find that you're not, I hope you have the courage to start all over again."

After all it's said and done, I know that you will never think less of me even if I am a failure or a loser, even if I can't keep our promise...

That is how strong your love is and for that very reason, I'm going to keep our promise. I'm going to keep on learning to be "in the between". To be vulnerable yet strong, to be a winner and a loser, to be a risk-taker and a savior.

Most of all, to love and be loved.

Perhaps, living life is neither black or white nor wrong or right. It isn't past or future, it's not even near or far...

'It's is here,

Here and now,

Is where we live

The present is a gift.'

As we continue to live we realized that life is imperfect so perfectly, the rule applied to everything on this blue planet. Maybe you know of a few exceptions?

All I know is the "YOU" in this letter is never a one-person. It's every woman who inspired me. It's myself, my teacher, Angelina Jolie, my mother, Maya Angelo, Viola Davis as Annalise Keating, and my grandmother.

It takes a village to raise a child, it definitely takes women to raise a woman. Honorable mentioned men who care about us but it is a Women’s History Month so let's celebrate femininity.

What it means to live the life of a woman. The wisdom we share, the love and care we give to the world. Let's walk hands in hands and keep inspire each other and carry one another on.

Women march on!

"I solemnly swear I'm going to wear courage as my strongest suit and let love be my strongest shield" - Proud -