'Smile': A Human Problem

If you’re a woman, then you know that creepy older man that always says “smile, it’s not that bad.” And then he winks and watches you walk away, thinking you don’t notice or feel his eyes. He chuckles, thinking he is just so smart. He murmurs something to his male friends that you by choice ignore, but if you really wanted to hear, you could because they're truly not that far away.

So why aren’t we smiling?

Let’s begin with some statistics:

• Every 98 seconds, someone in America is sexually assaulted.
• Every eight minutes, it's a child… EVERY EIGHT MINUTES
• Since 1993, frequency has gone down 63% (still happens too often).
• 1 in 33 men and 1 in 6 women have experienced attempted or completed rape.
• 9/10 rape victims are women.
• 63,000 children a year are victims of sexual abuse.
• Where: Home (55 percent), open public space (15 percent), relative’s home (12 percent), parking garage/lot (10 percent), school property (8 percent)
• 6/1000 assaulters are put in prison.
• 1/3 women sexually harassed at work (between ages 18 and 34)
• 81 percent is verbal
• 25 percent in text messages or email
• 44 percent touched or unwanted sexual advances
• 75 percent done by male coworkers
• 49 percent male customers or clients
• 38 percent male managers
• 10 percent done by female coworkers
• 71 percent of women do not report sexual harassment in the workplace

I am tired of:

• Not being able to wear a ponytail in public
• Automatically holding my keys like a weapon when walking alone
• Being told “you shouldn’t walk alone”
• Avoiding certain areas at night
• Victim blaming — why are we trying to silence people that are finally coming forward with their stories?

Is our country afraid of change? Yes. It’s terrified. Victim blaming is rampant. Yet the question “why didn’t you say anything before” remains. The answers are obvious. The victim feels they wouldn’t have been believed or nothing would have happened. They would have had to relive the memory just for the perpetrator to be released into the public to continue with their disgusting ways. Brock Turner is a perfect example for the silence of victims. (In case you have been living under a rock, he received a six-month sentence for sexually assaulting an unconscious woman by a dumpster, he served only three months, and is now trying to have his name taken off the sex offenders list). (If you think he should have his name removed from the list, you should probably stop reading this article now.) Social media, though it makes it possible for stories to come out, is now bullying victims into silence. Even Hollywood stars are being called frauds for the stories they are telling, even when they win cases in court the people label them as gold-diggers or just looking for fans. It’s disgusting. Is it really that hard to believe that women are being harassed? Assaulted? If it is, please go sit in a bar for an hour and just listen to conversations. Go sit in a coffee shop and watch the way customers ogle workers (both men and women).

Furthermore, it is not just women that are being assaulted and harassed. It happens to men as well, but even less men come forward. When they do, they are made to feel weak and emasculated. This is terrible treatment of people that have already lived through trauma. Instead of supporting one another, America continues to break each other down. Why?

Victims, men and women, must continue to come together. There is power in numbers. There is healing in numbers. I have witnessed numerous groups coming together, on college campuses, in work places, and even at parties, to discuss past experiences of sexual assault and sexual harassment. Friendships are formed based on these things. From a grotesque monster that has become a far too common thing in the American public, a little beauty is found. I have friends and family with shared experiences: I remember sitting on concrete steps at night with cups discussing things that had happened over the years. I remember nights huddled on leather couches in basements discussing men, customers, boyfriends, people from high school. I remember breaks at work where the conversation turned to the grotesque things we had heard that day or that week. (Still, nothing has topped “if you keep being feisty I’m going to have to spank both of you” — Customer G you will always be famous for your disgusting ways.) (This customer was also famous for taking pictures of workers.)

If you have never had to pretend you were on the phone because you were alone passing a large group of men, then you have no reason to be commenting on stories of victims. If you have never had to experience reoccurring nightmares, please shut up. If you have never felt unbearable anxiety just being out in public because of your past, please go away. If you have never scared yourself to the point of almost screaming because you thought someone touched you, when really it was just your hair grazing your skin, please stop commenting and trying to victim shame. If you have no experience, you have no right to be telling people they’re wrong or calling them liars.

Also, the “Me Too” movement that people are connecting to Hollywood, started over ten years ago. Yes, over ten years ago and not in Hollywood. Tarana Burke started the movement because she had heard the story of a 13-year-old girl in 1997 and wanted there to be an organization to help other victims. Do not label it as another move done by Hollywood to create tension in America. #MeToo was done to unite victims, something that most people on social media now appear to be against.

And please, do not tell me to smile, if you are going to continue being an animal instead of a human capable of controlling your urges.

*Get information from rainn.org