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Marriage & Children? No Thanks.

by Alyssa Lactin 3 years ago in family

It's okay to be single.

I can't tell you how many times people with children tell me that one day I will have babies of my own. My response is always the same: "I don't want to have children, I love kids but they just aren't for me, I would not be able to take care of them properly." To which they always respond: "You say that now, but trust me, you will change your mind." I will NOT change my mind. I am mentally unable to care for another human being and that will never change no matter what. I have no control over that.

I don't understand why in 2018 people still expect women to get married and have kids. Not everyone is meant to be a wife or a mom. It's okay to be single, it's okay to not be a wife, and it's okay to not want to have children. I don't think people even realize how annoying it is to not respect someone's choice to not have children. Most days I can barely take care of myself. How could I possibly take care for another human being? Just the idea of being a parent is absolutely terrifying to me and my anxiety skyrockets at the thought of it. Times have changed; a woman is not required to marry and have a family and should not be looked down upon for making that choice and I feel like many people do look down on me for my choice and assume that I don't like children because I don't want to have any of my own.

I would rather choose not to have children than to have children and have to put them up for adoption or have them taken away because I am unable to care for them. Why put a child through that if I can avoid it? I think it's good that someone can recognize that they aren't meant to be a mom before they end up becoming one. It's disrespectful to put pressure on someone who has decided to live a childless life. I have seen so many people who should not be parents but unfortunately are and their children suffer for it. I know I would not be able to care for a child and I am not ashamed to admit that. It is nothing to be ashamed of, it's just reality. I am not fit to be a mother and I never will be, and it isn't something I want for myself. Parenthood would not fulfill me or make me happy.

There is also a lot of pressure to be in a relationship or to be married. The thought of being married doesn't interest me. I don't believe you have to marry someone just because you love them. If you are meant to be together, that is enough. No one has the right to tell you that you should be in a relationship or that you should get married. In a relationship it's so easy to lose yourself but if you are single, you get to figure how who you are and what you want in life.

There is so much I want to see and do and experience and marriage and babies are not part of that. I want to travel the world, sit at restaurants alone, read a book in a park by myself. I want to get to know me before I get to know someone else. If marriage and children are what you want, then that is wonderful for you, but don't assume that it's for everyone and if someone says that life isn't for them, respect their choice and do not try to push your beliefs onto them. For those who choose the single and/or baby-less life, don't let anyone make you feel guilty for making that choice. Do what's right for you not what people think is right for you.

Alyssa Lactin
Alyssa Lactin
Read next: The State
Alyssa Lactin

I am 29 years old. I love reading, writing and collecting antique books. I also enjoy singing and the outdoors. I hope to do some more writing in the future :) I am not a professional writer at all but I do enjoy it and hope to improve. :)

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