Is It Mandatory To Accept An Invite To Your Own Pity Party?

I’ve been looking forward to getting up each morning now I have my routine how I want it, that first hour or so to myself is just right, I don’t feel overloaded and I feel ready to start my day when I’m finished.

Last Thursday, I decided to have a little sort out in the sanctuary, I took some things out that were cluttering the place up and gave it a good clean, ready for me to start using again.

The sanctuary gets the sun all day which is lovely, except when we’re having heat waves like we have been so I've not been working in there for a while.

I am a sweaty mess when I finish so I hop in the bath for a well-deserved soak. The husband pops out returning with chocolate and wine and we settle down to watch a film.

On Friday, I spend most of the day in the garden as the weather was much better. Who knows how many more days of sun we will have or if I will have the opportunity to work in the garden for much longer.

I complete some more sessions of my writing course, including an assessment - got 100% thanks very much 🤓

I got some useful tips on creating my own writing business and I think that’s the key here, to keep the freelancing and the blog page separate, but of course can use this page for some examples of my work.

On Saturday, I pop to Sainsbury's to pick up some bits for the weekend, I’ve got loads of Nectar points and I’m not afraid to use them.

I have a conversation with my brother about something we’ve been talking about for a while and we arrange to meet for breakfast on Monday. I leave Sainsbury's feeling quite excited but sadly, it wasn’t to last.

I come home and the positivity I felt soon deteriorates. The husband takes the boys off to football and I start to feel a bit crappy.

I’m finding not earning my own money a struggle. I don’t want for anything, but I miss the freedom of doing what I want, when I want. It’s left me feeling rather lonely.

On Sunday, I woke up trying to shake the negativity of the previous day. I keep myself busy cooking, cleaning and planning my week. I find that keeping busy is a great distraction from what I’m really feeling inside.

Unfortunately, I can’t distract myself forever and just as I think I’ve escaped for the day, I am reminded that I haven’t.

On Monday, I wake up before 4 am thoughts crashing around, self-doubt bubbling to the surface. I tell myself I should just give up, and go back to what I know, who am I to enjoy what I do? Self-pity has now joined the party. Yay, fun for all.

I decide to whip out my phone and do my 750 words, I need these thoughts and feelings out of my head. They come easily, as do the tears.

Everything feels pretty pointless but there is the little voice in my head reminding me that it all seems 1000 times worse in the early hours.

Sure enough, a session of getting my thoughts down and a good cry clear my head. Then I get a sign, and I realise that I absolutely must not give up.

On Friday, I was reading my Law of Attraction book and practised one of the manifestation techniques. All you need to do is list 10-20 reasons why you want to manifest these things and then 10-20 reasons how it can happen.

My sign on that miserable Monday morning came in the form of not 1 but 2 things from my list. I was surprised, excited and a little nervous, it could be a coincidence sure, but this has NEVER happened before, yet a few days after writing it down it happens.

I’m not giving up.

I had breakfast with my brother and went to see my parents. It was just what I needed.

I come away feeling excited and have a new little side project I am going to be working on. Hurrah!

On Tuesday I get up and do a yoga session, realising that I have weak wrists and downward dog bloody hurts!

Once my morning routine is completed, I head up to my beloved sanctuary. I've been wanting to update my vision board for a while as it is looking rather cluttered, so I did that before getting on with my new project, which I will tell you more about when I can.

It's a productive and positive day and I hope for the same tomorrow.

On Wednesday, I’m talking myself out of exercise before I’ve even opened my eyes but I ignore Barry and get in my gym wear. Getting my gym stuff ready the night before is a complete game changer!

I do a strength session, lots of lunges and squats! But I do it and I feel encouraged.

A meltdown ensues later that morning, leaving me sitting in the garden with a cup of tea, dramatically questioning my life choices. I’m just glad I had plans to see my friend in the evening.

I’m cheered up completely when she messages me at 1 pm to say I can come over whenever I like, so once the husband and I have lunch I get myself ready and over to her house ready for a good old catch-up and lots of rose wine!

Sometimes you just need an afternoon of gossiping and talking shit with good friends to make everything right with the world again. Next time I invite myself to a self pity party, I’m going to decline. ❤️