In Another's Skin

Her heart faltered. Her breath hitched in her throat, searing. Her ears rung painfully with those snidely whispered words, forcing tears to prick at the corners of her eyes.

“You, the face of this company? Don’t make me laugh. You can plaster yourself with cheap makeup as much as you want, sweetie, but everyone can see what you are beneath – a dalmatian. Why would anyone in their right mind ever want someone like you as the first thing people see about their brand?”

Talisha hung her head. Though she fought them desperately, the tears began to fall; she was powerless to stop them. She could feel them trickling down her cheeks, surely smudging away the foundation she had spent so many hours applying that morning.

She could feel that everyone’s eyes had fallen upon her, now. Though the rest of the office may not have heard the whispered words, there was no doubt that they could sense the confrontation. And, if there was one thing that Talisha hated, it was attention. One might think it to be strange, then, that she had volunteered so readily to be speaker for the firm’s upcoming product announcement. Indeed, when she had brought up the idea to her mother a few nights earlier, the inevitable response had not been one of encouragement but rather a sharp breath followed by a surprised, “Why would you want to do that?”

Talisha tried to straighten up slightly. It was harder than it should have been. She let her hair drape over her face, hoping it would cover up any traitorous smeared makeup. Clutching her little black office notebook closer to her chest, she then murmured, “Excuse me,” and hurried past her colleagues. It was impossible to ignore the low murmurs that followed her as she went.

She was used to this treatment – at least by those people who knew of her secret. It was a shame she had borne since the day she entered the world; one she could not fix.

Her only salvation was to cover herself with an obscene amount of makeup; it took her hours every morning to finish her makeup, and it was a chore she detested. Every morning, she was forced to look at her reflection in the mirror – a reflection that showed her two-tone skin.

When she was a child, her mother had described her vitiligo as beautiful, unique tattoos, but that had never offered much comfort. To her, it was as if someone had carelessly flung a can of white paint over her, leaving white stains on her skin that could never be washed off. And it wasn’t for lack of trying. As a child, she would spend hours washing her face, desperately trying to scrub away the marks that had plagued her life so. Of course, it never worked – it only left her skin dry, sore, and agonizingly cracked.

She eventually reached the office’s restroom, stumbling through the door. Breathing heavily, she leaned up against the sink, her eyes clenched shut in an effort to stop the tears. She threw her notebook to the side, hearing the pages scatter across the floor. She hardly cared; what did it matter if her whole life would be forever limited by her appearance?

The door to the restroom creaked open, and Talisha looked up sharply and rubbed her eyes quickly on instinct. There, one of her colleagues – a new entrant to the office, she recalled – was stood, staring at her quietly. A look of slight shock flushed across her face briefly. It was gone as soon as it appeared, though, and the new colleague smiled gently.

“Are you okay?” she asked quietly. Talisha frowned, but she could have laughed bitterly – did she look okay? The new colleague seemed to realise her mistake and quickly added, “I saw what happened back there. You looked upset. I was worried.”

Talisha turned away, looking down at the sink again. Her eyes were open now, and she could see the dull reflection of her skin in the ceramic. She jolted her head up to the mirror and gasped at the state of her makeup; her mascara had smudged across her face, and much of her foundation had gone. Of course it had – she’d wiped her face in her haste.

“Why are you still here?” Talisha murmured, turning away when the new colleague tried to step closer. “You’ve seen me now. Go on, you can laugh. I’m used to it.”

The new colleague fell quiet and then took a step back. “I’m not gonna laugh,” she said. Though she didn’t look back to check, Talisha could hear her companion rummaging through the papers she had just flung on the floor in her frustration. “Why would I?”

“Isn’t it obvious?” Talisha snapped. She spun on the spot, staring directly at the new recruit. Tears beaded in her eyes once again.

The new colleague shook her head. “No, not at all,” she replied, smiling. She then raised her hands, holding out the little black notebook. “Here, I think you dropped this. I’m sorry – I’ve not had a chance to sort the pages out, but I think they’re all there.”

Talisha faltered for a moment. She then raised her hands slowly, delicately taking the notebook. Her hands shook slightly as she did so. After a few moments, she then looked from the book to the new colleague and murmured, “Why would you help me?”

The new colleague smiled. “Why wouldn’t I?” She turned away and walked toward the door, before adding, “I’ll leave you – I imagine you want a little time alone. But I’m here if you need someone to rant to, yeah?”

Talisha was quiet for a moment. It was a trick – surely it had to be a trick? She racked her brain, trying to think of anyone who’d treated her with such sincerity since finding out about her secret – but she drew a blank. Never before had anyone reacted so calmly; this new colleague surely wasn’t so genuine?

But something about her was soothing and reassuring, and against all of her instincts, Talisha found herself saying something she had never before asked anyone: “Um – my name’s Talisha. What’s yours?”

The new colleague’s beam seemed to grow. “Maddie,” she said simply. And then she was gone.

Talisha stared at the door as she left. And then, without warning, her hands began to shake. She collapsed against the sinks, having to fight not to drop her notebook. Never before had anyone treated her so impartially - but Maddie hadn't even given Talisha a second look.

Talisha smiled, and found the strength to raise her face. She looked in the mirror again. Her makeup was a mess, by now; that was no surprise, and it would need to be completely washed off. But she always brought extra foundation and mascara to work for just this reason.

Without delay, she turned the tap on. She let the cool water flow over her fingers for a few seconds before promptly beginning to wash off what was left of her makeup. Soap and water weren't ideal, of course, but that was all she had.

She dried her face on her sleeve, then reached into her pocket for her makeup. After a moment, though, she faltered. She looked directly at herself in the mirror, eyes wide. Did she really want to hide for her whole life? Did she want to spend every day in fear of whether or not someone would see past the mask she painted every day? And the shock when someone did - it was unbearable to read their face and see their surprise for the first time.

She clutched the foundation brush in her hand, and glanced down at it briefly. She returned her gaze to the mirror, and frowned.

She couldn't carry on like this.

Maddie's smile, not even momentarily hesitant, flashed in her memory. What if she wasn't alone? What if she could be herself, without everyone judging her?

She laughed bitterly out loud. Of course people would still judge. But then - did she need to worry about it?

One final time, she looked down at her foundation brush. Then, with a determined grin, she walked over to the trash can. She extended her hand, ready to drop the brush - but something made her hesitate. Then, shaking her head, she returned the brush and makeup to her pockets instead and ran her hands through her hair.

Baby steps. She wasn't sure she could quite throw out the brush yet - but she could do this at least.

And so, she stepped over to the door. Slowly, with shaking hands but a determined smile, she pushed open the door. What did it matter if people stared? So long as she had someone on her side, why should she worry about everyone else?

A buzz reached her ears, and she froze immediately. Her resolve snapped, and her knees suddenly threatened to buckle. Her heart froze, and it was as if in a trance that she moved to pull out her phone from her pocket.

The text was short but sweet.

Were you still interested in representing the company for the next product announcement? If so, come see me at lunch and I'll sort out all the paperwork for you - I'll be in my office.

She couldn't help it. An infection beam spread across Talisha's face, then, even though she dropped her phone. Her knees buckled and she collapsed to the floor in shock - but her heart was now pounding in her chest, and a new determination coursed through her veins. She could do this!

She took a minute to compose herself, her trembling legs hardly able to support her weight. But, as soon as she had calmed down slightly, Talisha stood once more and pushed open the door to the main office. She walked down the halls with purpose, now, until her office came into sight. She still faltered momentarily before pushing the door open - but she shook her head, grit her teeth, and pushed open the doors with determination.

The quiet buzz of the office went silent when she did so. For a moment, everyone looked up and stared - but then, they got back to work and normality resumed. It was as if nothing had happened.

And Talisha absolutely loved it.