In A Women’s Head

So, we are women. Big deal. Growing up, I remember just how different the world was. Well at least to women anyways. Y’all, I’m 26. I know what you’re thinking. Well, maybe not. “You’re so young!” I know. “What could you possibly have learned by 26.” And I always laugh about this, because let me tell you I have learned so much.

If you’re a women this may not be a surprise to you. If you’re a man, try to sit back and invison this as your daughter, mom, or sister. Practically any female in you’re life.

Alright ladies let’s take a walk down memory lane. Shall we? So, it’s Kindergarten you have your new outfit on. You feel amazing, this is what you’ve been waiting for. The bus, the smell of glue, pencils sharpened, and those new light up shoes you’ve been dying to show off. You know the ones. You’re excited and scared and a huge ball of anxiety. You have that backpack ready and you finally get to school. All the colors, smells, and kind teachers. You’re ready to make friends. You’re not picky, boys, girls, and anyone who will entertain your need to feel accepted. You make friends right away. You’re playing on the playground and it happens for the first time. We’ve all been there at some point. The boy, you and all your friends find “cute.” I use the word loosely because we are 5 and 6. But we are little girls. Who are taught about Prince Charming from toddlers. He comes by and pulls your pig tails, or pushes you down, or chases you and is mean. Ahhht fimilar? You’re crying and the teacher or even your parents use the term. “Oh, he just likes you sweetie. Boys are always mean to girls they like.” And here ladies is the very start to our problem. Guys if you’re still reading, I know either you’re feeling a little unsettled by this or you’re not. Who knows. But just hear me out before you think I’m in the ‘she man, men hating club.’

Okay, back at then. This begins our problem. While most people think that this is small, it’s a ripple effect. It carries the weight of how we allow ourselves to be treated by men and everyone really. It’s Elementary school but you’re in 5th grade you’re really starting to come into your own. Your body is different. You’re feeling differently. You notice, and they notice. We like the attention because again we are taught that this is what normal is.

Now guys this will not protain to you and I’m sure you possibly have these stories as well. But ladies since this is all about us let’s answer this. Gents calm down it’s okay. You’re important here too. Hence forth with the question. Ladies, I want you to think deep on this. Do you remember the first time you were ever sexually objectified? Now, before we go straight to it. Think. I mean the very first time you felt it. That skin crawling feeling, through the tight clenched masked smile you wore. Tell me about it. Because I was 10. Now, I’ve never been the “it” girl. Or skinny. And a lot like other girls I knew I was progressing in growth quickly. Which along with that came a more mature body. Seemingly, bringing forth all these comments and advances from boys and I stress this a lot MEN. AT 10. I remember the comment like it was yesterday. And for some reason it always went to my weight. Not, in the way you think. Just “one day you’re going to make a man happy with all that.” Yes, indeed this is by a grown man. Creepy. I KNOW. But what was even more creepy was the gawking gaze his eyes trailed down my preteen body. I still shiver thinking about it.

Flash forward to Middle school. You’re really up there now. Going on dates. Well some of us. Falling “in love” and our bodies are feeling all the hormone rushes. You know the kind. Yes, boys that means you too. You know the weird feelings, the ones that just like to pop up out of no where. You’re trying to navigate between your feelings and heart. While at this age it feels pretty much the same. Then it happens not to all but to quite a bit. You’re a women. And gents you’re a man. And with those titles we feel like we can do adults things. I know you’re catching my drift. But here’s where it gets sticky icky.

Ladies correct me if I’m wrong, it’s known to happen A LOT. But, when we are that age and we just “love” that boy so much we want to keep him, show him how much we love him. Be that perfect middle school sweet heart story. And in cases High school sweet heart too. But this is middle school remember, where everything is still so innocent until one day you wake up and it’s not. Point being, you’re in love. Everyone is telling you that it’s not and you’re determined to prove otherwise. Because let’s face it we knew everything. So after months of pleading and begging from the mean boy from kindergarten, you decided that maybe this is real and he wants you. He loves you. Why wouldn’t he. He’s telling you how amazing you are. How no other girl will ever have his heart, or his...well hopefully by now you know. You make the decision to just rip that band aid off because everyone else is doing it. It’s not a terrible thing. So you do. In your head it’s going to be magical, romantic, the best experience ever. Because it’s love and that’s what love is, right? Honestly, ladies I’m speaking from my experience. The first time is almost always terrible. Am I right? Maybe not everyone but I am willing to bet a great amount. But I’m getting side tracked again.

You’ve sealed the deal. You’re even more in love and things will be perfect. You’re already planning wedding. Men don’t judge welcome to being a girl in a world entirely based off fairytales. It’s perfect. Or at least it felt that way for a little. Or some of us not even a little. It changed. He changed. Most guys went back to his friends and bragged. And before you knew it you were “that”girl. I’m sure we can all agree a lot of us judge her a little hard too. By the next few months every guy had been with her. At least that’s what they said anyways.

You make it to high school with bumps and burises all around. But it’s a fresh start. It’s time you start thinking about your future. But you can’t shake the comments, the stares. It’s a lot. But there he is. This new guy. The guy who sees past all that. Or so he says. He makes you fall harder then before. And before you know it you’re wrapped in this glow of fimilarity but this time. This time it will be different because we are older and it’s real. But soon he’s over bearing, and yelling, and telling you that you can’t go here. And there. Yet he goes where ever he pleases. You can’t function you’re toxic, he’s toxic and it’s always a fight. He makes you feel small and turns around and picks you right back up with loving words and gifts. But everyone fights. But it will work out right?

Almost never.

We have a constant need to please and be loved. We, as in both parties, fill voids and red flags in hopes that one day they will change. Securely based off the fact that if he’s mean to you he loves you. That if he cheats it’s okay because he had a moment of weakness. Oh, he’s nice to you after causing complete chaos, a man who truly cares for you will always say sorry. It didn’t matter if he really meant it.

Now, we are grown at least most of us. And we are trying to figure out life as a women. As strong, independent women who can carry the world and still fight with all she has. I see post about how it’s not a women’s job to be strong. We are not equal. And listen that okay. I would never want to be. But, in a world that taught us that we are fragile beings and only here for certain things. We are defining everything. We are paving the road for the future generations to know that you can live with everything you have but still be a fighter. I’m not saying that all men are this way. I am aware they aren’t. But when you grow up in a life that almost always plays women out to be crazy, or lesser, it’s hard. It’s hard to trust men when you’ve been hurt by them. Just like men can’t trust women due to hurt. It’s scary for a women. To leave her house, to be alone, to go to a party. To constantly have that key etched into your skin from fear of the unknown. Teach your children that it’s not okay for anyone ,including little boys, to be mean to them. It’s not love. Men, I know you all have your own struggles but the next time you see a women telling a guy whose advances are so much and she says “I’m not interested” and he doesn’t quit remember that this is why women are crazy and mean.

We are women. We are strong.