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I Thought I Was Gonna DIE !

A story about how things can quickly turn ugly in relationships when things go unchecked.

I Thought I Was Gonna DIE !

First thing first,

I am NOT claiming, by any means, to be a domestic violence victim, survivor, professional, etc. I feel like I'm constantly in a whirlpool. Either spinning out of control on the outer edge or drowning when getting sucked down to the center. This is simply a part of my life story that is weighing me down so I wanted to dispel it with purpose. I would rather get this off my chest in a constructive way to avoid me doing something I regret.

So just relax, open your mind, block your predisposition for judgment, and read the story... I guarantee it will be a wild ride...

Now, let me introduce myself.

My name is Lala. 26. Black. Bisexual. Unemployed. Budding entrepreneur. Single mother. Struggling artist. Creative in the midst of an existential crisis. That pretty much sums me up. I was in a relationship with a guy who was also in the midst of an existential crisis and he didn't even know it... But I did. But that's my "opinion" so I'll keep it to myself and stick to the story...

A little bit of background...

A damaged boy meets a damaged girl. The boy is astonished by the girl's ability to live wild & unapologetically, while still maintaining a "generally" respectable image. NOW BY NO MEANS IS THE GIRL MEEK NOR "INNOCENT" (whatever the f**k that means...). Overall, she is truly a mystery and he is intrigued. Now the girl definitely is aware of the boy's interest but the girl is also aware of the boy's reputation... Let's just say it precedes him. However, with the girl being the person she is, she knows it is never right to judge someone based on other's stories of them... even though it's constantly done to her. So she opens up and gives the boy a chance. They really do have a lot in common... It's almost insane how much. BOOM, relationship... not gonna get into that because that is another series in itself... You guys are gonna have to wait for that one. So within this time together they have both been pretty much an open book about the "ugly" truths about one another. But even then apparently, that sometimes isn't enough... The girl thinks that no matter what the guy is always going to cheat on her because: 1) he has before and 2) she's seen him blatantly say to women that this is true. The guy thinks the girl is always gonna cheat because: 1) she's bisexual and 2) she's never been one to take on serious relationships so he equates that to infidelity. Fast forward 3 years down the line, PLENTY has happened, and today is just another day... Or so she thought...

So we were in the car, driving on a major highway approaching the interstate on-ramp. I was aware that we were both on edge because I'm guessing he went through my phone and ASSUMED that some messages were inappropriate and of course that I'm cheating. WHICH I WASN'T. LIKE LITERALLY. WHICH IS REALLY THE WHOLE REASON I'M SO PISSED OFF! BECAUSE THE OLD ME PROBABLY WOULD HAVE, BUT I'M REALLY ON SOME ELEVATION SO I LET ALL THAT GO. I WAS SIMPLY VISITING A GROUP OF FRIENDS FOR THEIR LITTLE NEW YEARS EVE GET TOGETHER & THEY WANTED ME TO STAY AND HAVE DRINKS WITH THEM BUT I HAD A LONG TRIP AHEAD OF ME. LIKE GROW THE FUCK UP. JUST BECAUSE PEOPLE OFFER THINGS DOESN'T MEAN YOU HAVE TO PARTAKE AND I KNOW HOW TO BE A PLATONIC ADULT. CONTRARY TO POPULAR BELIEF. I DIGRESS. Primarily he didn't even address the issue. He just repeated cryptic sayings and played breakup music as loud as fuck... I got the picture. So I'm not exactly sure if it was social media or just the thoughts he had gathered in his mind all that time instead of addressing it... First he just randomly yelled out "B***h!". I took my earbuds out and was like, "Why the f**k you calling me a b***h and I haven't even done or said shit to you?! You got me f****d up!" Next thing I know, my head hit the window so hard, I thought we had been in a wreck. It took a second for my vision to stabilize and me to realize it was his hand on my head. When I saw his arm extended in my peripheral. This fool had really like used force to grab and slam my head into the f*****g WINDOW! Arm FULLY extended! In the middle of moving traffic! I IMMEDIATELY tried to hit his arm to loosen his grip on my head. I was definitely in shock, but I knew I had to do something to get away and do it quickly. So me actually defending myself must have set him off because he just went crazy! All I really remember is him getting on top of me, in the PASSENGER seat, still, with a hand full of my newly cut blonde hair and skull, the car still rolling, and me swinging and trying to pull him off of me by his hair. I guess I must have landed a blow because all of a sudden he jumped off me and out through the driver's door. Just a reminder, the car is STILL ROLLING at this point. I tried to hit the brakes and stop the car but then he started to get back in. I quickly gathered my stuff and jumped out of the car and ran onto the curb. The sounds of the cars, the brightness of the sun, not knowing if I would be hit or not... I WAS FLOODED WITH STIMULI. But what I did see, was the clearest path away from the car, safely through the other cars, and onto the curb. By this time, he had gotten into the car, hit the service road, and was coming through the parking lot where I had made it to the curb. I BOLTED! Clear across the highway to the other side like I was a human f*****g Frogger game. I thought maybe it would take him some time to get back around to the side traveling in the opposite direction, so I quickly ran into the shopping center hoping he would get lost in all the cars. I think it was a Firehouse Subs that I ran into, keyword in that statement... THINK. My face was full of sweat, tears, snot, and blood so I can't really be 100% sure... Now I am 5'3", 210 lbs, wearing a denim jumper with short shorts, and f*****g house slippers, like the soft ones with the fur and s**t. KMSL! (I can laugh about it now dammit, it's MY trauma.) I ran through the highway and fell in mud... I was REALLY f****d up! I had to take a few breaths before I could even walk into the damn place. I walked past the family sitting at the table right by the door. The looks on their faces only amplified the anxiety I was already feeling, I had to make this quick. I didn't want anyone to call the cops, but I also wanted to get away before he possibly found his way to that particular shopping center looking for me. I went up to the counter with my hand covering my face... Clearly, it wasn't enough because the shock on the worker's faces when they looked at me made my break yet again... I couldn't fight the tears or the break in my voice... But I gathered the strength and composure to ask for the restroom. I must have looked pretty traumatized because I was unmasked leaking bodily fluids in a restaurant... In the middle of a national health crisis... There's no way they should have let me stay... Man, was I thankful that they did tho... I entered the restroom, wet a couple of paper towels, and started to clean my face. That was probably one of the hardest parts. Looking at the marks on my face. My tears wet my face faster than I could clean it. A scratch on the bridge of my nose, a large multi-finger slash across my right cheek, a gash from my septum to my top lip with the skin flipped back exposing the pink flesh beneath, and the cuts around my right nostril. To add insult to injury, my hair was completely f****d up! I was literally shaking... Initially from fear but the rage was growing... I realized, in that restroom, that most of the blood wasn't mine. This made a terrifying sense of satisfaction settle into my spirit... A feeling that I'm still not able to shake... I've been feeling like a wounded Lion that just survived an attack from a pack of hyenas... Like, I'm hurt pretty bad... But, I fought my way out... And when I heal, I'm coming back to slaughter them all...

The journey doesn't end here... But I'm not sure if I want to continue this story... Like, Comment, Share, etc for part 2...

relationships
LaLa Writes
LaLa Writes
Read next: The State
LaLa Writes

I am a woman. I am a mom. I am a student. I am an artist. I am NOT normal. I love music. I love technology. I love to evolve. You can find my work in various categories: Filthy, Horror, Humans, Poets, Potent, Psyche, & Viva!

See all posts by LaLa Writes