Viva logo

How to Stop Self-Sabotaging and Destroying Your Self-Worth

Be kind to yourself and realize that you have a metaphorical thorn lodged in your side.

By Jessey AnthonyPublished 2 years ago 4 min read

“Dan said we should take a break. I thought he was joking. It’s been three days now, and he hasn’t called or returned my calls or text. What should I do?”

I get this type of message from women all time. They can’t seem to take a hint when their relationship goes sideways.

And they never stop to think why the same event repeatedly plays in their lives over and over.

In my dating years, I had the “Let’s not call this a relationship” conversation not just once, but twice. The first time I was depressed, but I continued with the undefined relationship.

Eventually, we became a disastrous couple living together.

After the inevitable heartbreak wavered, all I could think of was, “He warned me that he had commitment issues. I should have listed to him.”

Many times women’s self-esteem takes a spike. They wonder, “Why wasn’t I good enough for him?”

But men don’t think that way. Timing plays more of a role than not being ‘good enough’ for a guy.

He may still want to see what his options are or focus on his career. May also wants to have life experiences or work on himself before getting into a serious relationship.

Giving up some bad habits helped me to be happier in life and in love.

The second time a guy told me he couldn’t be my boyfriend, I was relieved.

Burned by my last experience, I saw it as a warning and promptly cut off the flirtation with no wounded pride. And we ended up as friends, with no benefits.

If you find yourself or a friend in this confusing state of a dating situation, take the three steps below to prepare yourself or them for a healthier relationship.

By looking out for yourself now, you might avoid a lot of heartbreak.

Stop doubting your gut instinct

Your gut instinct is the feeling you get when you do the right or wrong thing. For instance, if you have a gut instinct that your partner is the one, you may decide to make the relationship more serious.

But if your guts have resentments over who you are dating, you should trust it and define your relationship with that person, either as friends or something else.

Your gut feeling is the first thing you will think and feel in a situation. You should pay attention to this because it might be your mind’s way of protecting you from getting hurt.

Get used to the “yin and yang” of your body

Some women have very low self-esteem. They believe they are not worthy of receiving love and affection from a man, so they settle for anything in trousers, even when their guts are saying the opposite.

How you define yourself will attract how people treat you. If you are in the habit of bullying or saying negative things about yourself, the people you meet will treat you like trash because they see you do not value yourself.

You have to start treating yourself with more love if you want to attract people who will love you.

Try to be kind to yourself and question negative thoughts when you make a mistake. A good rule of thumb is to talk to yourself as you would to your friends.

Let your intellect and heart be your guides. If you are being intentional about dating, you can be confident that you will make prudent decisions.

Set your boundaries on your terms

By now, you know a thing or two about the kinds of dating traps you tend to fall into.

Maybe you are often attracted to unavailable men, or maybe you rush into relationships too early.

Whatever your poison, it’s time you keep a sharp eye out so that you don’t repeat those same mistakes.

Setting boundaries can help you retain a sense of identity and personal space.

Yourself, your partner, and the relationship itself are three entities that need to be sustained, nourished, and feel respected.

Make a list of what you need in a man and what you can compromise to have a fulfilled and healthy relationship.


About author

Jessey Anthony is a motivational speaker, fitness coach and relationship expert who helps people become confident in themselves in any challenges they face in life. Sign up to my newsletter & more cool stuff.

Connect with me on LinkedinTwitter, and Quora.

This article appeared here.


About the Creator

Jessey Anthony

Jessey is a travel addict, freelance content writer and fitness coach. Check out more from me at:

Reader insights

Be the first to share your insights about this piece.

How does it work?

Add your insights


There are no comments for this story

Be the first to respond and start the conversation.

Sign in to comment

    Find us on social media

    Miscellaneous links

    • Explore
    • Contact
    • Privacy Policy
    • Terms of Use
    • Support

    © 2024 Creatd, Inc. All Rights Reserved.