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Crazy

My new nickname

By Ms Brown Published 3 years ago 3 min read
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Crazy
Photo by Velizar Ivanov on Unsplash

I remember listening to and actively participating in more than one conversation that included ignorant expressions like "did you know so-and-so got a divorce? Girl! I don't know what the heck happened to her, but now she's acting all crazy.

Today, and from the opposite side of the table I keep reflecting and ask myself why did we refer to that woman as crazy? Was it because she got "derailed", according to the established social and religious views of me and my fellow intriguers at the time? Was it because she decided to end an empty and lonely life, even when living accompanied? Was it because now she was free to decide how, where and when to spend her time and money?

Or maybe because, little by little she began to find that simple authenticity she had lost, she had drowned under the multiple personalities she adopted during the past 20 years in order to keep a home, a family together? Because let me tell you, when you are a mother, wife, coach, referee, vet, doctor, bookkeeper, lawyer, housekeeper, mechanic, cook, chauffer, psychologist, witch, Chaman -and the occasional hooker, and all of this must be performed with the best of attitudes...it's so fucking hard to know who you really are at the end of the day!

Crazy. Maybe you don't have any other abilities besides the ones described above but, instead of throwing yourself on your bed and cry your eyes out, you decide to take a chance, stupid as it might seem, but you go for it, you try something new because your plan of life dissolved in your hands, and now only you are responsible for what's next in your life.

Crazy. Because you no longer have a 20 year old body, but it still feels like one. And now you have to adapt to a society that did not exist back when you were single. Now, to find a date you must download an app, or join a website and even then, you try it out, and you are brave enough to dream, to fall in love.

Crazy. Because you can still wear a dress that'll look gorgeous on you, as well as on a woman 15 years younger. But the difference is that if she wears it, people will say "she looks amazing" and when you wear it, people will say "she's crazy". And still, you wear the damn dress!

Crazy. But your kids now look at you with this mix of surprise, happiness and sadness in their eyes when you teach them how to dance, when they didn't even knew you could; or when they hear you singing full blast at home, and not only in the car, and they don't know how to react to this hidden side of their mom. When your sons begin to realize that you are a woman, not only their mother, and they can appreciate you looking prettier, sure of yourself, and they begin to act protectively towards you because they know you are a newbie and try to guide you through this jungle you know nothing about, because they actually like to see you happy.

“She's acting all crazy, that's why she can't find a husband." Like that's the best that could happen to you! Let me tell you, it is not. To be happy, to be complete you do not need a husband. You need to be happy alone first. And if a partner comes along, welcome! But if not, that changes nothing in your happiness.

Yes. I do prefer to be this crazy woman of whom I once spoke without knowledge.

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About the Creator

Ms Brown

Working my way out of the compelling mess I have for a life. Welcome to the most confusing part of my being: my thoughts.

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