Copper IUDs: The Good, the Bad, the Uncomfortable

Getting an IUD is one of those things. You've been flip-flopping on the idea for a long time and one of the main factors keeping you from doing it is the initial pain of the procedure. I get it, I was going back and forth in my head for years trying to justify putting my head down and getting it done. Obviously there are an overwhelming amount of positives, my favorite and main reason for having it being the non-hormonal (copper) option. As a lady who has been on a plethora of different hormonal birth control options (the patch, estrogen pill, low dose estrogen and testosterone, progesterone only) I can honestly tell you that while some people may not experience many side effects, I had experienced plenty—everything from UTIs, low sex drive, high blood pressure, cystic acne (hoo man, a lot of it) on my face and also in other strange and terrible places, leg cramps (from the progesterone only pill), and heightened anxiety. All of these options, while viable because they all technically did their job and kept a child from existing inside of me, never really seemed ideal because I felt like I was changing my biology a little in order to accommodate them. Not to mention, it was causing problems in my relationships and making me more insecure in my appearance (my face had the texture of a balloon filled with rocks for a while). Long story short (–ish), when I heard about an implant that was non-hormonal and would last between 5-10 years, I was sold.

The copper IUD is a little different from the hormonal versions for a few reasons, the main one being that it does not stop you from having your period. A definite "pro" for me, but a con for others. That always kind of freaked me out. I have a love/hate relationship with my period. I hate it when it's there but knowing that it's coming or going has been important (or a relief) to me. More comfortable, I guess? While I was on hormonal birth control (I'm just going to refer to it as HBC from now on, is that OK with you? Alright, cool) it aided greatly with the cramping, which was for me so bad at times that I would come close to fainting (I still haven't, but I came dangerously close in a Toronto McDonalds a few years ago, which was embarrassing). I was warned that a copper IUD can sometimes make your existing PMS symptoms worse, which I couldn't possibly imagine, but for the most part they're the same as they were before going on HBC. Copper IUDs have a success rate of 98% which is about the same as the pill or condoms, whereas the hormonal version has an almost 100% effectiveness rating, but 98% was satisfactory for me. No kids yet on 98%, so why not? My favorite thing about the copper IUD was that it was basically described to me as a semen death trap (not really, but that's how I like to think about it). It's not keeping my body from doing what it does naturally, it's just in there fending off unwanted intruders like a tiny copper assassin. Referring to my own uterus as a semen death trap was also hilarious to me, so as soon as I put that euphemism together I was sold.

So, the insertion. This is the part that I and most sane people are probably the most worried about. All these really great benefits and the only thing in the way is one really painful and invasive (albeit short) procedure. I was so close to toughing it out by myself and not bringing another person with me, but I would STRONGLY ADVISE you bring someone to drive you back. It was all the usual pap test stuff; naked from the waist down, weird paper sheet, freezing cold speculum, a stranger staring directly into your reproductive organs while you make an uncomfortable dumb joke because you're nervous (I wouldn't advise it). I tried not to look at the instruments and I don't know if it would have been better or worse if I had actually seen them. They had some PG comics taped the the roof above me, which was an altruistic gesture but ultimately futile. Then she inserted a metal rod about the size of a pencil into what I am assuming was my cervix and let me tell you, it was jarring. I was immediately drenched with sweat and feeling nauseous. There was another nurse in the room and I think out of instinct I held her hand, REALLY hard. I told her I thought I was going to throw up and she got a little wet cloth for my forehead. Just when I was thinking I couldn't possibly take another second of this the nurse told me that she was going to put the IUD in now. I immediately fainted. Like, actually passed out unconscious. I was only out for a couple seconds and the other nurse whose hand I was previously crushing to dust woke me up. She took that weird rod out of me and while it was a relief I was still cramping pretty badly, but that only lasted for about 5 minutes. The entire procedure took about 3 minutes total, I'm pretty sure. I was pretty out of it for a little bit but the nurse with what I can only imagine is her now shattered hand brought me some juice and eventually I sat up. My back had absolutely flooded the chair with sweat; I couldn't even believe the human body could produce moisture at that rate. So I can't lie, it was one of the weirdest, worst, and most inexpiable pains I have ever felt in my life. That being said, I've heard from other people that it had been less painful for them. Several factors contribute to the amount of pain you feel (or don't feel) including whether or not you're on your period at the time (I wasn't, but apparently it can be less painful if you are because your cervix is a little more open and insertion is easier), how bad your cramps are normally, if you've given birth before, etc.

All of that being said, do I regret it? No, absolutely not. Being off of hormones has been an amazing decision for me so far. My skin is finally clearing up, I don't have acne on my back anymore (which was a weird little period of my life on progesterone) and the best part? You don't have to worry about a pill every day, a patch falling off or a shot every 3 months (obviously). My cramps have been on and off during the healing phase but other than that I can't feel it inside me (a very creepy nightmare I had previous to the insertion), and sex is completely normal (another pre-insertion nightmare). I've heard of some people claiming their partners could feel it, but there hasn't been a trace of anything off for me so far. Despite the pain and nerves, I would highly recommend this little copper dude to anyone who wants to come off hormones and pills.

Sincerely,

The loving owner of a brand new semen death trap