Alea Thomas

Hey it's Alea Thomas you may be hearing this because I'm gone by now and wondering why well my life may be amazing from your eyes but that's speaking from the outside. Let me bring you inside so you can understand why I'm gone. You may say I'm a coward but how can you say if you never been in my shoes but if you have then you know why and how I got to where I am but first a little about myself.

I was born in Puerto Rico and when I was 4 I moved to London I know different worlds right. I at the time only spoke Spanish so you would understand how out of place I was . I always wondered how I would ever fit in a world so different from mine but I would try . I got left back because of my language which is understandable I didn't understand crap of what half of my teachers would tell me . I started having friends and learning I was happy but everything changed when I started going to Sunday class. My parents thought it would be an amazing thing for me to do my baptism and communion . Well they thought wrong ..

FIRST PAIN

We would go to church every Sunday exactly 10am to listen to the mass my best friend were there and some friends I made in the mass that's were also in my class . HIM. He would always try to talk to me but I felt a weird vibe with him but made me believe that my gut was telling me to stay away and I did . Every day he would everyday he would give that stare that creep me out . until one day in that room we was alone i felt weird but i was suppose to wait for the teacher i was innocent until that day it was gone. he grabbed me lend on the wall while he touched me and i froze i jus stood there in shocked feeling the pain of everyday and then he stopped. he smiled at me like he accomplished something in the world. to him everything was normal and to be everything changed . i try to forget it but my attitude and my body reacted differently to everything i was losing myself and having to see his face every Sunday until i stopped going day by day and yes i did my baptism and my communion and you won’t believe how happy i was just to stop going to that place. jus everyday a reminder of that room of that person . i felt like i was empty i felt this numbness every time i was there. until i one day went back for a dinner i was invited to . in which i thought hey maybe he wouldn’t be there or he don’t live here no more so why not. once i entered that door to that church dinner i would see his face once he turned around and the feeling of emptiness came back. once he saw me he came towards me and said hey like nothing never happened he said i was beautiful and all i did was stare but this time I had the gut to leave . I felt sick to my stomach empty feeling like a nobody and still hoping it could get better.

Months passed and it felt better never returned to the church and it helped me forget for a while but the nightmares would never let me fully forget.