Accept or Reject: The Truth About Consent

“Stupid bitch!” It’s a phrase that more than one man has screamed at a woman who has turned down his advances. If they are in a group of buddies, they will sometimes mutter something like, “She must be a dyke. Why wouldn’t she want this?” To which the group will mostly cheer and try to rally the fallen one. It’s a gross miscarriage of what actually happened and needs to stop. There are a couple of memes going around social media that should help clear up the confusion that seems to happen.

The first meme says in essence that it is not the woman’s job not to be raped, rather it is the man’s job not to rape the woman. There is a more comedic edge than what was given there, but the point is made. Some of the examples given was even if a woman is wearing a revealing outfit, that does not mean she is asking the man to rape her. Another point was if she drinks too much, it is not an invitation for the man to have sex with her because she can’t say no. Not every man is a rapist, but there does seem to be some confusion among various demographics what is consent and how long it lasts for.

A recent example happened on the subway. There was a nice looking guy, he kept looking around the train and seemed dissatisfied. That is until a woman wearing her yoga clothes stepped onto the train. As if he were a cartoon character from the Saturday morning shows that were ever so popular, his eyes popped out of his head when he saw that she was showing cleavage. Never before has the old joke, “My eyes are up here” been so crystal clear. This guy was trying to chat her up, and the intention was obvious, he wanted to have sex with her. If he promises that his dick was bigger than her boyfriend’s, the fact that he stared at her chest the whole time would have been a dead giveaway. Him wrapping his arm around her made it seem like they were a couple or at least on a date. One thing was for sure: There was no way he was going to give up until she gave it up.

When the train stopped, she removed his arm and got off the train. After yelling out a slew of curse and degrading words about the object of his lust, he looked around the train. No “bros” were coming to his aid; no one was soothing his bruised ego. The scowl on his face said it all; we were traitors to our gender because none of us would join him in bashing the female. At a major stop, he kicked the door frame called us “fags” and left the train.

In that situation, the female had made it clear that she was not interested in the man. Even though he apparently walked on three legs, she and her boyfriend were monogamous. This did not please the man or his masculinity; he deserved her because he had a big cock and should be allowed to fuck anyone that he wanted with impunity. It didn’t matter if the person (presumably females) agreed or not. What mattered was his satisfaction.

Believe it or not (if you’re female, I’ll guess that you believe it) there was another situation that was similar. A beautiful female was walking. She had an oversized shirt on and a pair of jeans. Nothing particularly sexy or provocative. The guy was shirtless, his pants sagged below his knees, his boxers only stayed on because of a bubble butt and an erection. He catcalled the female, who ignored him. Her ability to ignore some of the things he shouted at her, including tongue fucking her until her momma orgasmed, was truly amazing. At a "Don’t Walk" sign, he asked her for a hug. She sighed and gave in. He tried to shove his hand down her jeans, she pushed him away and threw herself in front of a taxi.

One could argue that he had consent to touch her. The second meme says that straight men understand consent and continuing consent when it comes to gay men and their bodies but act confused about the concept when it comes to female bodies. The implication as in the first example is that they should be allowed to have sex with whoever they desire and it’s only rape if they are uncomfortable. Saggy pants guy is the prime example for this.

Saggy Pants Guy looked around to try and find a bro to assuage his ego. There was nothing wrong with him; it must be her. She was clearly wrong to not want someone so desirable and masculine. What he found was a gay man looking at him with lust. The scowl turned to horror as he realized that the man was looking at him and hoping for a hookup. He hiked his pants up, only for them to droop again. Even the boxers sank a bit. “I’ll suck you so good that I’ll be able to taste your daddy’s cum.” The gay man cooed. The erection was back, but Saggy Pants Guy was visibly uncomfortable with the come on. “Don’t pretend you don’t want it. I’ll even let you fuck my ass.” A cop car rolled by and the two men faced each other. After a few seconds, the gay man said, “how you just felt is how that poor girl felt.” He left.

Is there a disconnect when it comes to consent with straight men? Not all of them. It could be argued that while most do enjoy the female form, they are a gentleman about it. There are a few bad apples that make the bunch look rotten. However, it should be noted that the number of men who feel entitled to being pleasured by the partner of their choice is rising. The question that needs to be asked is why. Until then, let’s hope that when a guy violates consent with a woman, she is the one who screams “stupid bitch.”