A Minor Incident Can Ruin a Lot

I learned from this experience and to all the ones who have gone through this, you do not have to face it alone. Just around this time last year, I decided to visit my boyfriend at the time, as for he was leaving to basic training for the military in a week. Little did I know he was going to do something so horrid.

Around the third night I spent at his house, he'd been drinking a huge amount. I decided to call it a night and went to bed, he stayed up to continue drinking. When he decided to join me in bed, that's when everything changed. I was trying to fall asleep when I felt him grab my hand and place it in his pants. He then stuck his hand down my shorts and tried to fondle me. When I moved closer to the edge of the bed, that didn't stop him. He grabbed my arm with a tight grip and pulled me towards him where he tried continuing what he was set on getting. I jumped out of the bed and locked myself in the bathroom... I stayed there for hours, heart racing, not knowing what to do. Until I heard sobbing, that's when I decided to come out and see why the hell did he just decided to do that (knowing very well I've been assaulted in the past). We spent a couple minutes arguing and crying over it and he kept apologizing but that wasn't good enough. I ended up leaving in the middle of the night.

The next day was his going away party and since no one knew what happened, I didn't want people to see me as a bad girlfriend for not showing up... I showed up to the party but stayed very close to his mom and sister so I wouldn't be near him. A couple months after he got deployed...and after going back to school and freaking out every time someone came close to hugging me, I decided to talk to his mom about everything that happened. It took a lot of convincing from my friends and my mom but I managed... Of course, his mom denied it and justified that his actions were because he was drunk and tried guilt tripping me into staying with him. Then his sister started yelling at me and blaming me for it and saying how "that's what couples do." I stood there on the phone in the middle of the courtyard shaking in tears because I am getting blamed for this situation that I had no control over. His mom and sister both called me a cheater and assumed we slept together so that it was okay for what he did. But the truth is I'm a virgin and his actions weren't okay but they'll never see it that way.

After everything was settled, I decided I was okay and I didn't need anyone. Boy, was I wrong. Till this day I am scared to let another man near me let alone fall in love again. Because who's to say they won't do the same even after a year or so together? But that's beside the point. I held everything in, how I was feeling was way beyond pain and betrayal. I was having anxiety attacks every day, I've been diagnosed with depression, and it's a fight every day to get up and go about my day. Even though this was a minor incident it did a lot of damage and I thought no one was ever going to believe me. I thought I had to overcome this by myself because no one wanted to listen to me. I was wrong. There are so many people out there who care so much and are willing to lend an ear. God forbid anything like this or worse is to happen but if it were to, I know that I would be able to overcome it because I've survived the worse. We all need someone to listen, whether were crying on the bathroom floor or faking a smile and walking through a crowd. You don't ever have to fight a battle alone and no one ever should.