A Message to Women

If I had one piece of advice to give women...especially younger women...it would be:

SPEAK and ACT YOUR AUTHENTIC TRUTH IN THE MOMENT and SAY NO

💥Say ‘NO’ to that gathering you feel obligated or pressure to attend

👊🏻Tell your partner what they did hurt you deeply and you deserve better; without screaming, yelling or being mean

👏🏽Walk away from that so-called friend or group of friends who violate your morals and boundaries

⚠️Don’t place value on your looks for others to see you as much as simply loving yourself for your power of expression...be your own audience

⚠️Stop obsessing over, picking apart, talking bad about and trying to change your BODY....it is perfect in its natural form

❤️Love yourself fully in every single aspect before you ever focus on loving another...need yourself, want yourself, desire yourself, date yourself, be happy with yourself, that way you never become dependent on being valued by another human

😍Do what makes your heart sing and not what others place on you as expectations

🎶If you hate dance, sports, shopping, or are dressing to please a parent or partner, tell them you don’t like it! Don’t fulfill a parent’s or someone else’s vicarious unfulfilled expressions by pretending you enjoy ‘piano lessons’

🌸A healthy heart and soul will not ever betray or bring harm to another soul. Know this! If you hurt others or create conflict, you have some work. If others hurt you or bring you conflict, they have work. Do YOUR own work

❤️Always do the kindest thing....FOR YOU! If you are kind to someone else at your own sacrifice and suffering, it’s not the right way

⚠️If someone is violating your boundaries, tell them! Write them, speak it face to face or send an email. But let them know directly from you. How they respond is up to them and beyond your control, but telling them they are violating your boundaries is your responsibility to speak up

💯Spend several years as a young woman alone without a boyfriend or without a relationship and really get to know yourself!!!! Do things with your friends well into your twenties before you tie yourself to a partner

💪🏿Lift weights, learn to do pull-ups, run a marathon, hike mountains on beautiful islands or the PCT with other capable women, but get and stay fit and active and don’t settle for anyone who doesn’t value their own physical well-being

⚠️Use protection if you choose sex! Don’t have babies in your teens!!!! Don’t get married because you got knocked up. Wait until at least 25 to make these types decisions!!!!! Wait until you’ve mastered all of the above

💯Learn to protect yourself. Learn to handle and offload a pistol, a shotgun and a rifle, safely!!! Take 2-3 years of self-defense and learn to fight to protect yourself. Learn from other strong women

🔥Do NOT enable other’s poor decisions, bad behavior or anything that feels wrong to you. It’s not okay to just ‘ride along’ while they do wrong.

I see so many women abusing themselves with addictions to food, alcohol, religion, gambling, shopping and prescription medications! I watch them abuse themselves with negative self-talk about their bodies and their flaws. I see them feed off of their negative emotional drama, family addictions, self-medicating acts and other destructive behaviors that feed their inner demons to be valued, loved, appreciated and saved...BY SOMEONE ELSE!!!

They feel a need, whether consciously or subconsciously, to receive validation and attention, often playing the role of damsel or victim in their life.

These women are extremely vulnerable because they have little confidence to seek their own truth and have been taught to follow the ‘trail of ignorance’ passed down from generation to generation. They are taught or shown by their own influencers that being a woman means being gentle, demure, pretty and nice (insert descriptive word).

These women are easily targeted by predatory folks who exploit religious dogma, family traditions and simple societal expectations as the RULE for relationships and marriage. They become caged house pets and zoo animals, living a life of obedience and compliance in exchange for safety and security.

Being independent in onesself is very freeing!

It doesn’t mean you must be alone. It means you must be capable to be alone. It means you are fully confident in being by yourself WITHOUT a partner or lover.

You don’t require someone to dig your holes or fix your leaks. You don’t need someone to shoot your next meal or carry your heavy bags of concrete. You don’t need to feel safe and secure because ‘he’ is home. And I promise you without hesitation, you NEVER EVER need to feel like you must sacrifice your values, morals or wishes in life to have a relationship!

You never ever deserve to be left out, left behind or even walked out on. Not if you are living the life you wish to live that is authentically you.

No woman should ever be an option to their partner! No woman is destined to tolerate behaviors that leave her heart confused or sad. No woman deserves to sob in despair because she was abandoned, yelled at or cheated on.

When you are confident in saying NO to anything that hurts you, cages you or shames you, you will no longer sacrifice your love for self and allow someone else to take from you!

Those of us who are FREE and in a healthy relationship share their freedom with their beloved. It’s not a cage, but rather a choice to life in respect of one another and live as one.

If I want to travel, we travel. If he wants to travel, we travel. If we don’t want to travel, we don’t travel. But we never travel out of obligation and we never abandon the other because they don’t. We figure it out lovingly and harmoniously.

We make decisions that fulfill us both individually and as a unit. We bring no harm to one another. We have boundaries for both of us and we live with trust because these boundaries keep us safe. The same boundaries that I speak of setting for yourself, you set for the Union.

If the decision has potential to hurt or harm the other or brings them difficult conflict, we don’t do it. It’s that simple.

If I’ve sacrificed myself for them, then I have not fulfilled my purpose.

Stop seeking comfort in another. Be confident in being YOU!

If he wants to marry you and you want to marry him, DO IT without concern of what the world thinks. Don’t worry if his parents or your parents won’t ‘approve’ or that you won’t get a showboat ceremony. Don’t worry about what your grown kids might think or how it looks.

But don’t do it out of obligation or because he’s handsome or youthful or because he has a nice car. Don’t do it because it’s stable, because he’s fun or because you got pregnant. Don’t do because you just left an abusive marriage and are needy!

Please please please don’t marry him if you know he has cheated on or slapped around/abused multiple other women, or that he is or used to be a player! Don’t marry him if he’s into drugs or strippers or into himself!!! Don’t marry him if you know he’s got a porn addiction or history of drug trafficking or an ‘angry streak’ that others talk about frequently, even in jest.

Don’t succumb to his suave words and charismatic promises. If he looks you in the eyes and says

I’m not angry, I’m just passionate.

know that this path is going to be full of yelling, criticism, sarcasm, abandonment and control. It will involve many sleepless nights, swollen eyes and hurting hearts. It may over time find its way or may not end well! It’s risky beyond and has the high potential to leave you broken and crying.

Stop looking at your parents as an example, because I promise you, they did not figure it out and many of them allowed abuse and betrayal in their marriage...and still ignore its presence today. They show resentment and contempt in subtle ways. You don’t know their full story.

If I could stand on stage and tell all women ready to commit this one thing:

Say NO! No healthy relationship ever involved screaming or yelling. EVER! No healthy relationship involves addiction to porn, gambling, shopping, alcohol, drugs or even religion! No healthy relationship allows or condones cheating, whether physical or mental and emotional. No healthy relationship operates from a one-sided tradition or from strict gender roles.

🛑 Stop idealizing your friend’s mom and dad! They just look pieced together.

🛑 Stop coveting that cute couple on social media.

🛑 Stop looking at the others, wishing your partner would touch you or hold your hand or write you love notes.

🛑 Stop wishing you had what they have, because you couldn’t handle what they have and it’s not yours to have...it’s theirs.

My husband said it perfectly...if someone has to go to that much work to share their marriage and couple life regularly in the positive, it’s simply an illusion of a much darker world that is happening behind closed doors.

These illusions aren’t what they seem! Anything they have to ‘fix’, or struggle with, you aren’t going to have a ringside view and I promise, they have shit to fix!!!!!

There is no perfect couple, no perfect relationship and no perfect marriage.

There is only a union of respect and freedom of personality...to be who each is individually without bringing hurt or harm to the other. No yelling, no violence and no abandonment.

As I scan the planet, I realize that most problems and insecurities plaguing women today would have been solved if they had followed these guidelines. If but one parent or influencer had taught them these guidelines, women wouldn’t be posting on social media their drama of being dumped or how their ex boyfriend husband is a looser (we know he is, it’s why he’s an EX so move on) or their desire to be like this couple or that! #couplesgoals wouldn’t exist!

In fact, if women would reclaim their power over themselves, heal their own traumas, become their own saviour, provide their own safety and security, make their own traditions and stop tolerating being TOLD who they must visit, where they should work, how they should dress and what their face should look like, there would be a lot less conflict in the marriages of today.

You wouldn’t have to fight for your marriage because it would be in harmony!

There is nothing more powerful than a SINGLE WOMAN who takes care of her own life without crying about yesterday! Who is confident, capable and loving. Who doesn’t get antsy or lonely being with herself. Who is healthy, happy and glowing as she flirts with herself and knows her power. She needs no mate, no religion, no group, no sex partner, no handyman.

She is happy and confident, even self sustaining. She’s not living along wishing for Mr. Right, but living in freedom and living with her own acceptance of harmony.

Learn to just SAY NO! All girls, all women!

Not from a space of meanness, but as an authentic expression of standing up for your own boundaries and truth. Even if it hurts, say NO if it conflicts you or hurts you. If it makes you cry or hurts you, it’s not on your side.

Walk away with dignity. Have boundaries. Be you.

True authentic relationships don’t make you cry! They challenge you to adapt and grow.

So to anything else....

SAY NO!