We know how to date in today’s relationships, but we don’t know how to update. In marriage, we have to understand we are marrying a stage because he or she will change. We date and marry a person in different stages of their life.
Couples will have to learn to evolve as their feelings change to have a lasting relationship. An intimate and healthy relationship is based on trust, vulnerability, and flexibility, which means sharing your innermost feelings, thoughts, and desires and accepting your emotional differences.
If your partner is vague or difficult to overcome, there is cause for concern. Relationships based on mistrust are on unstable ground, and these are four aspects you can adjust to build a lasting relationship.
Stop looking for the right person
One major criteria people look for when choosing a mate is if she’s the right person. You want them to possess all the qualities on your checklist.
You have to stop searching for the right person and start being the right person. Because if you are the wrong person and the right person comes along, you make the right person the wrong person because you are the wrong person.
When you’re the wrong person in the relationship, your attitude impacts the relationship and the person you are dating negatively. And because you two are on different emotional levels, you will be incompatible. So you need to fix yourself first before you can identify who’s right or wrong for you.
Set the tone of the relationship
Some feminist women will frown at what I’m about to say. However, if you want a sustainable relationship, you have to accept that men set the tone of the relationship while women create the atmosphere for its success.
Men set the tone by creating an environment for the woman to feel safe to love them, and when she feels safe, she creates an atmosphere that is peaceful and healthy. I remember my dad used to say there is nothing worst than a woman’s scorn.
A woman reacts to how the man treats her. When you love a woman, she returns that love three folds. And if you disrespect her, she reciprocates the same ten folds.
That’s why if you want to know a great man, you have to watch how his woman behaves. If she’s always angry and bitter, then she must have been damaged by the man in her life. If she is loving and happy, that has a lot to do with the man too.
Lose the expectations
Albert Einstein once said, “Men marry women hoping they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably, they’re both disappointed.”
Men and women have completely different expectations of marriage. They spend years after the wedding trying to change the woman, and they fantasize about what life with another woman might be like.
Women, on the other hand, want to change a man once they’re married to him. When their man is unsuccessful, they begin to imagine what life would be like with another husband.
Expectations are the roadblocks to most failed relationships. Expecting your partner to perfectly meet your desires is unfair and unreasonable, and forcing it to work will only leave the couple stifled and unfulfilled.
Stop obsessing over power
A lot of men in a relationship will lean toward the power rather than the honor. Unfortunately, honor doesn’t win you power. Honor wins respect and respect earns trust, and trust wins loyalty.
In other words, when a man honors his woman, she grows to love and respect him. When she respects him, he earns her trust in return because she believes in him and what he stands for. And when a man has a woman’s trust, he proves her trust by being loyal.
Her trust, respect, and loyalty to her man are stronger than any form of power the man can possess. Sadly most men do not realize this truth.
A woman doesn’t need you to flex your muscles and demand her submission. She will do that willingly when you create an environment for her to feel valued and honored. When you honor your woman, you will have that power through her respect, her trust, and her loyalty.
Jessey Anthony is a motivational speaker, fitness coach and relationship expert who helps people become confident in themselves in any challenges they face in life. Sign up to my newsletter & more cool stuff.
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